Appeasing my conscience.

Conscience: an aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment that assists in distinguishing right from wrong. Doing something knowing full well how wrong that is. I won't even front, I know how exactly how it feels. The after effects are always a rush of emotions led by Mr Guilt himself. The phrase "my conscience had the best of me" then makes proper sense.

 We all have systems we have developed that help us soothe the hell that burns within. I know of someone who will go to the extent of running triple the normal time if he indulges in junk. I, on the other hand, always end up feeling like I am carrying a strong stallion on my shoulders should I land in a puddle of mud. Its not easy to live a guilt free life when there is so much to be cautious of.
The concept of attaining peace still seems like something hard to earn (mainly because we don't fully understand God's role in this). Appeasing my conscience has probably been one of those "skills" I've mastered unaware. "I'll just be extra committed to that schedule next week by waking up extra early" or "I'll just get home and drink a litre or 2 of lemon warm water to wash down all this fat". [To a certain degree, some methods don't appease anything.]

I've seen how the concept of appeasing one's conscience is one that eish, stresses us all. It doesn't just end at being unable to follow rules or the vows  and goals we have set, it carries through to the core of our characters and binds us. For me it has effortlessly helped me keep an excellent record of all my wrongs, which like you can guess, helped me hate myself. It wasn't too long when I started  thinking and doing crazy things *breaking mirrors like I posted in MIRROR*.

I had to make a decision: appeasing my conscience needed to be replaced. I'd accepted the human being in me and have safely submitted her into God's hands. HENCE, Mr Appeasing and I had to break up.

He didn't help, actually he made things worse. I exchanged appeasing my conscience to admission, repentance and peace. I figured, since I have an awesome God looking out for me, why not run to Him when I'm soaking in filth and guilt? And you know what?! I'm smiling. :)