Bye 2013 Hello 2014

I've been fighting this urge to sit down and write about the year 2013. The truth of this specific matter is, I have mixed emotions about 2013, it has turned me into a chameleon in a smarties box.
Its the 31st, I am on a taxi from Polokwane to Pretoria. I just want to see myself at my Spiritual home Bethesda Christian Centre.
This year, as I sit here and reflect, has done to me what no other year prior has. I am grateful to God for his blessings through this year.
I see a lot of status updates on all social networks with people stating the blessings and challenges of this past year and I stand in awe of God's abilities, not just in my life, but in your life and in their lives.
I started 2013 at an awesome camp, a 7 day challenge, where I put my body to the test and gave first priority to my spirit being. I came out of it a transformed lady, I came out strong and ready. It was one experience that brought out the worst in me and showcased God's presence and involvement in my family, social life, finances and health.
It took a toll on me physically as I took an additional few weeks to recuperate and get back in the swing of normal living.
Shortly after that camp, I and the other Lady Leaders, played the role of hostesses at a prestigious I DO Gala Awards Ceremony

, honestly, I needed that one. It was Valentines month and the theme was off course successful marriages and love overall. You guys know I love loving love right. This event not only gave me the chance to meet a few celebrities that I'd thought I'd never get a chance to rub shoulders with, but it sharpened my preferences concerning love and what I want.
School shortly commenced and I was faced with Accounting. So numbers and I have a love hate relationship as the second semester I was faced with Financial Management.
I am passionate about marketing, events, ministry and literature, numbers to me are just my test of character. My minimal acumen of calculations and the systems expectation test every fruit of the spirit in me. *giggles*
My academic life has been good this year, it has me smiling from ear to ear.
As usual, our omnipotent God who never gives up on us kept on urging me to improve and to listen attentively to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
I found myself in a place of surrender when certain ideas I'd shoved at the back of my head kept creeping up and bombarding my thought life. I had to give in and put them on paper, pray for direction and discernment.
So I did, I birthed my babies on paper and started working hard on them. God remained faithful and helped me shut my mouth. I am a speaker, not only by eloquence but by character. I learnt the importance of secrecy and its one thing I will carry to the grave. I was talking to a great and close friend of mine, telling her how since the first day I realized the trauma I went through caused me depression, I began to isolate myself. The most profound out of all the lessons I learnt when I isolated myself for nearly a year, was the difference between being alone and being lonely. This year defined that. I spent a lot of time alone and my sister would wonder if I was not lonely. I think she realized that I didn't suffer from loneliness when I'd present to her what I produced while alone.
Being the youngest minister in the Holy Spirit Class at church also came with its challenges this year, it came with lessons and results that have peeled off skin layers over my perceptions that really needed to come off.
Last year on my birthday ( SIDENOTE: oh but this year I had such an epic birthday celebration with some of my cousins and old friends

), I got asked a very life changing question that would have put me on a roller coaster ride had I not responded to it in the manner I did. I spent this year asking God to refine me to be able to have a different answer to it should I be asked again. I also made it clear to God what the intentions of my heart where concerning the matter. This year has come and gone and I can boldly testify of my readiness and zeal should I be faced with that question again.
2013 is leaving and it took with it, a big piece of my heart. Sade. She was not just my friend, but someone who effortlessly modeled Jesus Christ, a white lady with rosey cheeks and the perfect aura to drive me insane, make me laugh till my tear glands poured out and then simultaneously teach me to love me more and serve God radically.
I found myself in such a terrible space after loosing Sade. I didn't realize the magnitude of pain I'd felt till those piercing panic attacks made their way to me. I am so grateful for my family at church, what an absolute breath of fresh air they are.
Sadly, when I go through these type of challenges, I become unable to articulate myself. I mourned in praise because I knew she had played her part so well.
Soon my baby was born from paper to being tangible. I still marvel at the grace of God when I look at this empire in the making.
I became pressed for truth when something I worked blood, sweat and tears for, for years at that, started proving to me that its season in my life was over.
I had to let go. Another tough decision. But I did it. I did it and benefited immeasurably from letting go of it. 2013 taught me a lesson of not compromising my feelings. It taught me the difference between sacrifice and compromise. I was in a relationship in 2013 that became a mirror to my face. It "showed" me, ME. I trace back the rail of my train of thought while in that relationship and I realize that now, I know Refilwe more than I knew her before.
Yes I bought more shoes *hides*

Lady Leader year end high tea

I went to a few music concerts, a few theatre shows and I danced. My oh my do I love dancing. I ate chocolate and got pimples because of it then I had to stop.
But my sweet "teeth" as my niece calls it would not let me go. I still went around with a box of turkish delights in my hand bag.
2013 taught me about health. A certain health professional visited our church and helped me reshape my view and behavior towards my body, what and why I serve it and the benefits thereafter. I am now a healthier, fitter and much more energetic me simply because of what I put in my mouth.

I met a Lion at the end of 2013. I can't even explain in words what meeting this Lion has done for me. I just smile. It is the end of the year and this is how someone who will introduce me to speak will sound like when they read my profile: Sandra Refilwe Sello is a former co-founder of Glitz Youth Organization, the current Public Relations Officer of Capital City Junior Business Chamber (CCBC Jnr), a Marketing Intern at the 3RD Orange African Nations Championships 2014

. She is a Diploma in Business and Entrepreneurship graduate at College Campus Pretoria and plans to pursue a Bachelor of Technology (BTech) in Business Administration. She was the President of Student in Free Enterprise College Campus Pretoria (SIFE CC). Sandra is the Chairperson of Risen 4 Purpose and a lady leader with Soul Ova. She forms part of the official members of Peace of Educational Minds (P.O.E.M). Her passion lies in Marketing, events management and youth based community endeavours.
 All of this is God. The theme for my year, was ONENESS with me, Discovering God; finding Me.
Did I fail? Yes
Did I loose? Yes
Did I fall? Yes
Did I make terrible mistakes and decisions? Yes
Did I learn from all of that? Yes.
The highlight of my year: meeting my biological father's entire family, getting to sit, laugh and dance with them made me cry in awe of God. Suddenly, truths I'd longed for came out, who I am made sense and the strongest bonds where reestablished. My mother remained the patient queen of my life, who would sacrifice and stay on her knees for me. My grandfather

still thinks I'm a little girl with a loud mouth and the most beautiful eyes.
Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014
May God continue being God in your 2014, just as He promised, may he prune and build you and I up.
I love you and I am wishing you a dance-filled 2014 to Micheal Buble music and lots of chocolate moments. Cheers!

I am awestruck I guess

So recently I've just been going through a very sensitive phase in my life, its more reflective than emotional, though I'm an emotional wreck (in the most positive manner), its all about looking back.
 I am looking within. I'm searching beyond what I've been taught. I'm sieving through all that's transpired.
I am digging deep into all that I espoused as truth. I am questioning everything I hear. I am challenging all that I am seeing.

I am investigating every reason available.
Its passed the stage of my inquiries being linked to my purpose, but the larger scale of the Sovereignty of this being whose hand I've never held yet I feel it closely gripping mine.
I used to think I needed more of him, till it dawned on me like an unexpected ray of sunlight after a vile storm, that I contain much more of him than my entire imagination can fathom.
When you carry the DNA of someone, you tend to even chew like them, my gestures are exactly like his. So are yours.

See in this phase honey, I've been waking up and sleeping in tears. Many a times, tears inexplicable.
Humble tears. Reassuring tears. Praise tears. Worship tears. Progressive tears. Confirmation tears.
I did warn you that I am an emotional wreck.
I loose my vocabulary. I loose track of my train of thought.
I loose sense of all sanity.
My tear glands loose all their rigidity.
Its a flow from my heart.
See I can't comprehend just how....
Just how vast is this God is.
I am in awe!

Blow me a trumpet

While reading Galatians 5 this morning, the next pink page had the following piece in my T.D Jakes Woman thou art Loosed New King James Bible
I dedicate this piece to awesome women I have in my life.
I love you Queen.

This is your day, and this is your Father's world. He created it just for you. You are an heir to the universe. Your only boundaries are your own perceptions of potential.

Lebogang Tisane

You u can reach father than your finders and leap higher than your doubt. If you lift you head and raise your hands, the clouds will run away. You are kissed. Didn't you know it.? Haven't you realized? That's why you are alive to show it. So show up an show off and show out. It is morning!

Malebo Gololo
Never lose that child like belief in the impossible. The fantasies of the faithful dispel the myths of the frightened. Somebody blow me a trumpet! The races are about to begin, and the daughters of God are all dressed up. The have stripped themselves of the cares of this world.

Mpone Moeketsi
They have washed away the abuse of their childhood. They have demanded their inheritance, nursed their won babies, strengthened themselves, and prepared their feet to run.

Tebogo Makua
They are sisters and brothers of the Cross, survivors of the secrets. The have lain awake trembling and even cried through the night. Some have screamed from bruised lips, assaulted bodies, broken hearts, betrayed trust! But what of the night ? That's right, what of it? Haven't you heard? It is morning. Sound the alarm.

Sarona. Maja
Loosed? You'd better believe it. The are loosed from the tragedy of a long and dismal might. They are the sons and daughters of Abraham. They are people with a promise. Precious promises are waiting for loosed people who have made themselves ready to take the kingdom by force.

Thembi Nziane
 No more forbidden fruit for them; they are taking a bite out of life. No more restrictions or inhibitions. Many have been held back by the fear of failure and rejection. Tell the critics the Father says, "Let My people go!" Only a foolish person would fight a man for his daughter when it is God the Father he will have to fight.

Thandi Mafa


The trumpet has sounded. You are loosed!
A piece by T.D Jakes

More Reflections

 Allow Me to reflect.

I don't like watching news, those who know me know this very well. Somehow catching news bulletins always manages to depress me. I get instant-two-minute-noodle-like depression. Its frustrating really what we get to see on the news. Its necessary for all that's being reported to be exposed, vital too but it leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. REFLECT
 It is Christmas, I had an awesome day with close relatives, then my mom and I came home to bow down to the itis. I could hear rain showers distantly while passed out on the couch.
Woke up to the most therapeutic scent of the crisp after rain effect. My mom and I had one of our lovely and funny conversations and I am typing this watching her beautiful sleeping face. REFLECT
I am having a conversation with an awesome lady Mpone Moeketsi, someone who recently stepped into my life and in a short space of time has just caused me to have a paradigm shift (A major change in how some process is accomplished) on so many aspects of who I am. We are having another in-depth conversation about a decision I am about to make perhaps "again" that will change the whole flow of what I'd thought my life would be. Its an exciting journey I see myself getting into and even amidst the euphoria, I'm a ball of interwoven nerves. REFLECT

About the news, let me put it this way, in my strength(s), I've come to accept that I have a not so "strong" heart toward's people's suffering, I am so vulnerable when it comes to seeing reports of how in my comfortable bed, remote in hand, full bed side table and my mom close by, someone else is in the cold. REFLECT
I am officially convinced and convicted of God's infinite love for me, his interest and attention to detail. I have come to a chilling realization recently of how he is so skillfully    orchestrating life to conspire in my favor ONLY for HIS purpose. REFLECT
Its Christmas and my mind has been drenched in a pool of emotions, I've observed the concept of death being debated and defeating the human mind but winning over the believing and submissive hearts. This year has been so awesome, but many who had planned this day with family and friends, are no more. REFLECT
Queues: “O mohau wa Molimo
ke kwetsa e kaakang!
E ka ba o fe molomo
o ka o bolelang?
‘Na, esale o mphihlela,
Ke maketse feela!”
REFLECT
The blind man who has never seen anything but what his mind conceives, but what God feeds his imagination, yet still worships God, makes me wonder what view he constantly has of this God. REFLECT
 If I don't stop here, I won't sleep. I long to get into each reflection and expand my view, God willing that will be soon. Merry Christmas friends and family.

Bontle. Beauty. Buhle.

The splendor  of your love amazes me sweet holy God.
My mom and I are like best friends, we have the most intense yet funny conversations. There's a 41 year age gap between us and I honestly think this is one of the biggest reasons we are so close.
We fascinate each other.
The splendor of your love amazes me sweet Jesus.
The other day my mom was telling my nephew and I about how in her day beauty was esteemed differently from now. She made the example of accolades, most men defined beauty in a woman as well dressed, with an in-depth acumen of household management. She listens to us now and notices how my nephew defines beauty in a woman as her exposure to education, her insight to the world and its systems and her ability to translate her mother's knowledge into a tangible truth for her modern household.

The splendor of your love amazes me Messiah.
This morning though, it became evident our conversation was revolving around physical beauty, we cracked up, I in particular because growing up mama would rebuke me every time I called anyone ugly. She was defending a popular soapie actress when we exclaimed that she is not the most good looking person. My mom took so much offense. What made me laugh even more was the fact that now, this lady, has it all. Aside from her role as an actress, she defines what modern day beauty is. Educated, established, skilled, wise, has financial freedom and a promising future.
The injustice towards her, of what we where saying bothered my mother.  Its her reaction that had us in stitches.

In my own corner of the world, this morning's conversation made me appreciate the splendor of God's love towards us all.
See honey, we are loved. Truth is, we will always, at one point or the other, in one sphere or another fit the specifications of a certain definition of beauty. Its not going to be always and forever, that really shouldn't be the point of our lives.
I've outgrown the notion that the world practices a lot discrimination on the darker skinned ladies or the big boned or thicker, rounder figured individuals because I've seen the progress and evolution of society as it now appreciates and adorns every type of man and woman.
The splendor of your love amazes me Creator.
Ps...Your beautiful and my mom will always be that one person to stand up for you even when others tell you you are "ugly".Hehehehe
Own your own truth regarding beauty.
This picture below was taken by one of my little brothers Tebogo Tlaka. An awesome photographer with an inexplicable.eye for BEAUTY

BBM 296DE2AC cell: 0724281216

Deal Breaker

I  haven't sat down to write anything in a long time. About two months ago I lost a good friend of mine, and because she had disappeared from my reach I only managed to find out a little over a month from her passing. That took me on an emotional whirl wind and I was unable to articulate myself. I decided to stay away from pen and paper and just sit on daddy's lap, mourn, worship, praise and converse with him. I am now in an awesome space where I am convinced Sade would be proud I pulled up my big girl panties and honored the memory of our friendship by doing what I am called me to do.
I believe that among all that God purposed when he sat down to design me, one of those was for me to be his mouth piece. I may not always post about God, the Bible and sweet Mary Mother of Jesus or my gentle brother Paul. Though some posts may seem bias or controversial, I believe and have seen how the simplest things when simply said, taught or displayed, teach us the biggest lessons. This post is the second after my break and I've titled it Deal Breaker.

I have been reading The Goddess Bootcamp by Kagiso Msimango, I don't believe or agree with certain concepts that she so beautifully ushers to our minds but that's the sheer bliss of reading and writing. Among some of the things that I picked up was the sense of owning your own truth, something my mentor Malebo Gololo and I have had an interesting conversation about. Its the boldness of owning certain concepts and staying true to them. Having oneness with yourself and having confidence with your skin, your journey and each evolutionary stage you go through. I have always believed in repetition to be the one element that brings conviction but I've recently grown to learn through some personal experiences that conviction is also influenced by exposure. We become a result of what we are exposed to. Deal breaker. That's the focal point that  convictions bring me to. What is your deal breaker?

I am a shoe lover, I own a "cute" and growing pair. I have a rule (Lord knows where I learnt this one from) that I only buy shoes after 13h00 in the afternoon because my foot has "expanded" to its real size, its thick enough to the same size it will be after 5 hours of my being in that pair. I have been CONVICTED, and that particular deal I don't break. This is a far off example but I hope you get it in this context. Men! Ladies. What's your deal breaker? What is the one thing that will cancel the deal with gentle brother abuti o mo'fine? Gents...tell me, what has been your personal truth, one you own and live by that breaks the deal with that fine sister your getting to know. We make deals so often in our lives its even become subconscious. From the Courses we choose to get involved in to the cars we drive. I use a word I made up to describe my preference. Skinnyphobia. When asked, I simply reply "I have a phobia to skiNny people" hehehehe actually its an inside joke between Dudu, my step sister, her friend Moeketsi and I. But that is not a deal breaker. An atheist for instance would just cancel the deal of my even attempting anything.   What have you bEen convicted of so much that it seals or breaks any deal you make? Is it with the kind of vehicle your driving or planning to? Is it with friendship? *Anticipating great conversations*

What do you want?

Recently, I was asked a question: Refilwe, what do you want? Of course I answered and my oh my did I do so with depth and passion. Before I could doze off that night though, the question rose up again in my Spirit. Truth be told I found myself in a very inexplicable position. "I knew what I wanted, I'd stated it earlier Lord". Trust God to deny me sleep until I'd found and aligned myself to "HIS" will concerning what "I" want. Honestly, in my have determined to fall in love and cling to this amazingly profound God, the evidence of his aura in my life tends to not only freak me out, but awestruck me to total silence. This was one of those moments. I read a lot, I love it, I am sure I've said this before. I don't limit myself, I dive in the literacy pool and indulge on all genre's (does this word link to music only or can I put it here? *giggles*). I'd just finished reading a few pages of The Taxi Philosopher by my good brother Thabang Tlaka, *side note: I am doing an in-depth review  of this piece of heaven and I have to say, if I could, I would purchase it for all the readers I know, what a thought provocative journey man!!!*....

So I looked around my side table, there's my journal, diary, playbook, phone and walla, my T.D Jakes Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible. She smiles. "Lord I will tell you what I want, I can see you want to know what I want"

Romans right through to Philemon! I got it. I know what I want guys. I do. 

I WANT TO BE LIKE PAUL.

See, being like someone can be expansively described. This time around, its simply Sandra yearning to love, serve and worship God like Paul did, in my own sequence of events and in my own portion of the universe. I didn't read through all those books, I read the first sentence of each of the books. My Lord! Look honey, this God we serve is awesome. He not only gave us countless blueprints of this Christian walk but he teaches us, without fail on His part, how to follow and reap from these guidelines. Call me obsessed but how can I not love a master mind like our omnipotent Ancient of days. 

Paul, so transparently described and introduced in each of these books he authored, displays an array of the most admirable qualities. Something God had to teach us through this post by insisting on asking the question : "what do you want" 

See, we get this so profoundly in the descriptions I am going to place below. My prayer is that there is a higher level of revelation that comes to you through these. I trust God to send a lesson, a life challenging lesson for you and I. I know this is something that is going to linger in me for a long while and now I am challenged, and may you also be, to constantly assess: What do I want! 

1. Romans» 1  FROM PAUL, a bond servant of Jesus Christ (the Messiah) called to be an apostle, (a special messenger) set apart to [preach] the Gospel (good news) of and from God, 2  Which He promised in advance [long ago] through His prophets in the sacred Scriptures...

2. Galatians» 1  PAUL, AN apostle--[special messenger appointed and commissioned and sent out] not from [any body of] men nor by or through any man, but by and through Jesus Christ (the Messiah) and God the Father, Who raised Him from among the dead...

3. 1Timothy» 1  PAUL, AN apostle (special messenger) of Christ Jesus by appointment and command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus (the Messiah), our Hope...

4. 2Timothy» 1  PAUL, AN apostle (special messenger) of Christ Jesus by the will of God, according to the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus...

5.Titus» 1  PAUL, A bond servant of God and an apostle (a special messenger) of Jesus Christ (the Messiah) to stimulate and promote the faith of God’s chosen ones and to lead them on to accurate discernment and recognition of and acquaintance with the Truth which belongs to and harmonizes with and tends to godliness, 2  [Resting] in the hope of eternal life, [life] which the ever truthful God Who cannot deceive promised before the world or the ages of time began. 3  And [now] in His own appointed time He has made manifest (made known) His Word and revealed it as His message through the preaching entrusted to me by command of God our Savior...

Family and friends, what more can a lady add to this. I....

I love you! 

Our Nature

Ok, so the Bible speaks of us human beings having the sin nature. This never sat well with me. So the other day I recalled a scenario of a toddler having sugar smeared on his mouth and upon being asked, ‘did you steal the sugar’, bluntly denies it. Now that made me just agree, it’s our nature. There can’t possibly be some conniving lesson that the kideo learnt that led him to know how to strategically or even stupidly so, lie and become deceitful and cunning. No lessons there, just pure nature. I love going around in circles with many concepts I learn about. I recently posted about Sin. I’ve been reading through it over and over again. I was then nicely surprised by God when during devotion I read Romans 7. I then not only understood but started thanking God for the rich revelation of who we are, who he is and the role of Jesus Christ in our lives. To many this may have been a revelation they have even classified as a fossil in their Christian walk, but trust me repetition of anything always breeds perfection, clarity and depth.

I really love this scripture, in one go it delivered me from many religious beliefs. I stood in awe when in some pauses I saw just how we are such a deceived generation, well very similar to previous generations but our era has its own amazingly shocking lies, many of which indoctrinate us into believing all sorts of lies. Please forgive me for the long sentences. God is exposing sin in us, he is teaching us that irrespective of our current beliefs, him being GOD involves us transforming *this word does TRANSFORM neh* each day into the truth of who he is. Ok. We have become so sin conscious and so work-for-purity orientated that we dissolve the actual mandate of Jesus. We are reversing the truths and depth of grace and love. We are disobeying the “house rules” as Creflo calls them, of the dispensation of GRACE. Sweet Lord forgive us.

We need to yearn to understand God at a whole new level, above what we read, hear and perceive. Let us look into this passage in Romans. I trust that God will enlighten your mindset to the transparency of your nature, the war inside, the grace of his sons sacrifice and how when enticed by all sorts of sticky foods, the choice remains with your thirst and love for him to wind up doing what is honorable, pure and right. We must yearn to not only BE right, but to equally DO right.  It I not easy, it’s not meant to be, should it be, we will never grow, there will be no character building in our lives. Do enjoy.

 ROMANS 7:7-25
⁷ But I can hear you say, “If the law code was as bad as all that, it’s no better than sin itself.” That’s certainly not true. The law code had a perfectly legitimate function. Without its clear guidelines for right and wrong, moral behavior would be mostly guesswork. Apart from the succinct, surgical command, “You shall not covet,” I could have dressed covetousness up to look like a virtue and ruined my life with it.
^8-12 Don’t you remember how it was? I do, perfectly well. The law code started out as an excellent piece of work. What happened, though, was that sin found a way to pervert the command into a temptation, making a piece of “forbidden fruit” out of it. The law code, instead of being used to guide me, was used to seduce me. Without all the paraphernalia of the law code, sin looked pretty dull and lifeless, and I went along without paying much attention to it. But once sin got its hands on the law code and decked itself out in all that finery, I was fooled, and fell for it. The very command that was supposed to guide me into life was cleverly used to trip me up, throwing me headlong. So sin was plenty alive, and I was stone dead. But the law code itself is God’s good and common sense, each command sane and holy counsel.
¹³ I can already hear your next question: “Does that mean I can’t even trust what is good [that is, the law]? Is good just as dangerous as evil?” No again! Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me. By hiding within God’s good commandment, sin did far more mischief than it could ever have accomplished on its own.
^14-16 I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
^17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
^21-23 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
²⁴ I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
²⁵ The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
   

Ephesians 3:14-21

Some of you may think I have an obsession of some sort with gentle brother Paul but hehehehe it’s far from that. I do though, admire the man. It takes a thick skin to permit God to use you. Yes I said permit. Many are called, for many ministries but intentionally sit on top of what God is leading them to do for all sorts of reasons. In a nutshell, we have refused God permission to use us, unlike Paul for instance. One of the many things I have learnt recently is that being called is really not some scary theory; it is God leading you to what you love and are most passionate about and using that to bless others and serve him with. Musicians, actors and actresses understood this way before us “ordinary” people. Doctors for instance, these folks do such a great job at displaying the power of God. Ok I know they are a sensitive breed to discuss in accordance to the will of God but my opinion on them is this: they are showing us the intelligence of God. Simply. Back to my point on being called, comedians are people I totally love; I hope and pray one of my children is called to display the gospel through jokes. Lord knows I love laughing, and I’ve been told my laugh is sometimes cute and at other times annoying lol. Being CALLED by God is not some complex concept, it’s simply allowing him to lead you to your passion and surrender to being used by him through that.

Paul says something that gives you and I a lot to ride on concerning our callings. Reading this passage will not only make us realize more of the will of God, but through Paul’s prayer, you and I learn more. I found myself smiling when I finally became convinced of the intensity that God wishes for me to have in loving him. God wants you and I to become aware and clear on the power our life possesses through his precious son Jesus Christ.  So God being God spoke truck loads here to us about his final plan for our callings. When God calls and equips us, he does so in order that we may become agents of who he really is. God is love. Much of what he is accomplishing in our lives involves him showing, clarifying and proving his love, first in ourselves, then to others and ultimately to become so rooted in love that in our calling, that’s all everyone can account to. How awesome will it be when one day you are described as that engineer that is so passionate about his or her job, the call of God through his or her career displays an array of love, for the job, the people and God himself.

God is amazing folks. He does not deserve to be in competition with anything in the world. Not even our callings should compete with him. He alone is God. We must be careful when we analyze what God is doing, where he is leading us and how is he calling us to serve him, that in all we discover and explore, none of it becomes a mini god. See, it maybe to be on the pulpit, or through books, music, medicine, education, psychology, arts, food and so forth. In any of those, our role is to let God be the only God.  God is the source (our ultimate provider). He is the well we draw all we need from.

Ok, here is what Paul prayed for the Ephesian crowd that inspired this post:

Ephesians 3: 14- 19

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love that surpasses knowledge-that may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. “

I think if you go through it with the AMP version you will just draw so much more than love, calling, power, faith and provision.

I am a SuperSHERO

SuperShero #4 – Sandra

“I was conceived under painful circumstances. From birth till I was 5 hectic fights between my parents were common. I became such an angry child. My mom decided to finally leave, being raised by a single parent was not easy but definitely worth it”
“I drew strength from my mother and learnt that I need to teach any man how to treat me like the Queen I am. I learnt that it’s ok to walk away from situations and people that don’t make me happy and that I have every right and full ability to free myself from any type of abuse”
” Growing up, I admired my mom so much for playing multiple roles so well but I longed so much to have a father figure, I envied everyone who had someone to call *daddy*. I still had this amazing love for my dad even though no one had any good to say about him. I started questioning God and blaming him especially when my never present father passed away, it made no sense because then I was father-less forever”
“I have spent my life questioning God, asking him why. I have to say, I am a great actress, no one knew I had issues, no one knew I was a ticking time bomb, I hid my anger and pain so well, I refused to be seen as weak and miserable.”
“At age 19 I was hijacked, beaten and gang-raped, I hated myself, I hated this country, I hated men, I lost my sanity and I resorted to isolation, I refused therapy and I neglected all my friends and family, I still did an amazing job acting all was well, I gained a lot of weight from the medical treatments and emotional eating and I hated myself”
7 months after I was gang-raped, a man who was like a father to me molested me. I was so crashed, broken, hurt and confused.”
“My biological father and my Spiritual father had both disappointed me and dismally failed to represent God in my life; I made a decision to stop crying and to stop questioning God. I hated men so much it scared me. I still did a great job at hiding it all; I would not allow anyone to see that I was in pain. It was until I finally accepted that God was my Father that I gained my sanity back.”
“I was stubborn, even after being fatherless, gang-raped and molested, I refused to accept it all, took it all and hid it somewhere in my brain and pretended all was rosy and well.
” I was in denial, secretly dying, depressed and becoming toxic with a smile on my face to the world”
“I came to a point where I could not keep it in anymore and I laid my heart down to God, I got on a painful journey where I promised myself I would express myself, cry, talk, cry, pray, talk, cry.”
“An expressive life is good, the shame is gone, I don’t hide the events of my life, I am a happy earthly-fatherless, gang-rape and molestation survivor, I am free from hating men, I’ve let go of questioning God.”
“All it took was to accept all that had occurred in my life, to stop hiding pain, leave being stubborn and secretive behind, FORGIVE my father, my dad and my rapists.”
“My painful and traumatic experiences made me realize that God is omnipotent and he uses every moment to refine, prune, mould and equip us for our destiny. I draw all my strength, peace and freedom from His promises”
Quote: I am a diamond: Planted by God in this filthy earth, refined by tribulation, deep boiled by circumstances, submerged in acidic events but in the process to shine for God’s glory on his finger, the pulpit._ Me
The prayer of my entire life: “Psalm 119: 10 I seek you with all my heart, do not let me stray from your commands. 18 open my eyes that I may see the wonderful things in your law. 27 let me understand the teaching of your precepts, and then I will meditate on your wonders. 37 turn my eyes from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. 50 my comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life. 74 may those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. 116 sustain me according to your promise, and I will live, do not let my hopes be dashed. 125 I am your servant, give me discernment. 175 let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me.

a story of Grace

The concept of grace is widely misunderstood and causes a lot of confusion. I am no expert in it as I too, especially because I am a big believer in progressive learning, am finding out a new aspect of it on a daily. Seeking God in prayer and studying of his love letters (the Bible) to us gives us a clearer view of his heart. These are two things that have had the most influence in my faith walk. I use various methods to get to know God. These include reading books, boy do I love reading. I take my time with each book; all the books I read have all sorts of pencil and highlighter markings and notes. When I feel like I have caught a revelation, I write “end here” close the book, meditate on that word, look for scriptures that correspond with that particular lesson or discovery and run with it. I also love talking. Those who know me very well know I am a big mouth, see this has helped me have meaningful and insightful conversations with people. I’m always so excited to learn a different side of a certain concept and it really gives me a run for my money every time my stand or what I espoused as truth, is challenged and provoked to flee.

 

I watch a lot of TV as I have stated before. I have a daily routine that includes 3 of my favorite pastors that I just reserve to soak up all God chooses to say to me through them. I think one of the common traits among Christians is also reading one scripture with a few Bible versions. Fortunately, I own three NIV Bibles, one from my former pastor, Pastor Conrad from Elim, one from my friend Khomotjo and one from a man who used to play the role of my father. These have restricted my “vocabulary” so I have been petitioning for an Amplified or King James. Since my birthday is just around the curve of my calendar, I smell one of these. *hint hint nudge nudge wink wink* Nonetheless, using these has come in handy because they too come with a beautiful variation of God’s word. I have found it somewhat easier to understand certain explanations using them. GRACE in particular, I enjoy learning about from the NIV.

Earlier I was reading this and I was blushing all the way to pulling my laptop out and typing this post. couldn't wait to share it with you. See, I fell upon something good. I fell upon what I strongly believe is Grace alive. Like I mentioned earlier on, it is something that I believe needs progressive and continuous revisiting because if misunderstood, causes toxic confusion.   

Here goes: J first

http://www.faithgateway.com/gods-grace-is-all-we-need/#.UnJROP8aLIU

Romans 1

This one just put a smile on my face. I am a Creflo Dollar fan, I watch him daily and by the grace of God, I have benefitted from his devotion to spending time with God, hearing from him and delivering what he has to say to some of us. Watching him has made it less frightening to allow God to use me as someone who will transfer small to large revelations to small to large groups. I have come to realize that it is not skill, talent or eloquence based, but simply the willingness and a final resolution that nothing else will do than to just be used by God everywhere you are (this realization has really made me a better and happier me). It is so amazing how God has effortlessly taught me that I do not need a pulpit to do what he has called me, sometimes all I will need is to get into a taxi and greet someone and by the end of the journey he would have manifested himself. Think of all the times that God has just taken over a conversation, right then and there you where unconsciously meeting a need, filling a void, answering a question, mending a broken heart and giving hope to what seemed like a hopeless situation. The beauty of all this is that we may never know the impact we have and through humility on our part, God continues to work through our loud mouths and overactive imaginations.

Creflo Dollar was revealing some of the revelations that God has dropped into his spirit about the grace of God being revealed in Rome. I muted him after he read Romans 1 because I knew then and there that God was speaking to you and I here. I went back, and started from the beginning. See, I love this God, given the chance; he will just do some awesome things in your mind and life. Gentle brother Paul, I think I will name one of the twins Paul and the other Paulina or Paulette hey. Ok, back to the juicy stuff: Paul was just knocking really, doing his introductions and here, God got me.  There is a new dimension of understanding God and this dimension revolves around us. I have this little motto I live by “Discovering God; finding Me”. When we seek and are so eager to really know who we are, what we have been interwoven with, our complexities, flaws, strengths and greatest attributes, it can only be through knowing God. My friend Maropeng always says “Modimo re ka se mo fetje” “we will never conclude, completely comprehend or be finished so to say, in knowing God”.

What I absolutely love is how he continues to bring himself to our attention and teaches us heaps of himself in the smallest most intricate ways. Paul in his introduction reveals so much that just tickles my spine lol. Allow me to only play around verses 1 to 7, I am using my old purple high school NIV Bible neh: Romans 1:1-7 goes a little like this “ Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God- 2 the gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in holy scriptures 3 regarding his Son, who as to his human nature was a descendent of David, 4 and who through the Spirit of holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord. 5 Through him and for his name’s sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith. 6 And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.”

My good God. I recall saying that repetition is profitable for our growth. If you have read or heard me say this, I will repeat it: “you too honey, are also among those who are called to belong to Jesus”. Identity issues aside, called to belong (I love this belong word, it is so beautiful, not binding but humbling attaching, you know!!) to Jesus as full view. You are what you belong to and what you eat hehehehe Pastor Joshua. No trained and qualified police officer reports or carries out any duties without belonging to a certain force or team or institution. Here are some things that screamed out to me when reading this:

Ø  The gospel was promised to us and then so beautifully documented and delivered, God does indeed keep his promises.

Ø  Certain people will be singled out, appointed and placed to deliver that gospel.

Ø  Only the spir

it of holiness will make the declaration of who Jesus is, and ultimately who we are. This spirit of holiness will single out all our deaths (dying to self on various sectors of our growth) and our resurrections (portions God has brought back to life, figuratively and literally).

Ø  It is only for his names’ sake that we receive grace, like there is really nothing we can ever do, good, better, best or amazingly so that can earn us the grace of God than the name and its sake, Jesus Christ. 

I hope and trust God that you will see more from this post than what I managed to put down, I love love love loving you. 

Foundations

There is something that has been surfacing in my life recently, Foundations. You know, we are a product of the seed. Pastors always say that you can never plant tomato seeds and peaches grow out of that. The foundation of something will showcase its end result. I come from a line of God-fearing women who loved and served God. It is only on one side of my family that I am fully aware and informed of such things. Fortunately I got the chance to have my grandmother with me almost all the time till I was 13. In between her national and international  ministry sprees and conferences, founding and being kept busy by The Wednesday Women’s Prayer Ministry and Beulah Prayer Tower and children’s shelter, she was my reason for being excited to go home after school. We fought quite often because she was old and I was very young. With every fight, came a story of her child hood or someone in the Bible. Koko R Sello, the model of who I am.

My mom epitomizes faith.  Like how after our car accident the doctors said I would never walk and her and my sister Peggy declared, prayed and trained me back to being a normal walking person, scars and all. She oozes of faith. Really, there are currently no words I have to describe the foundations my mother built up for me in my child hood; this is a post on its own.  I am most grateful for foundations that dressed me up for Sunday school, kicking and screaming most Sunday mornings, I am grateful for the El Shaddai Youth camps that they sent me to, even though I was the youngest and most demanding person there.  I am grateful for the prayer’s I’d get. My grandma did not play such games as being sick, you where sick, we pray first before you take medication. These are tiny principles with huge effects. I am so grateful for the foundations of trying to read her weird handwriting on all the notes she made during her devotions and sermon preparations. My mom has this habit of waking me up via phone call to wake pray, that time I was about to hug Brat Pitt in my dream and I just want to slam my phone against the wall, but we wake up, and pray. For whatever the Holy Spirit impresses on our hearts. 

Our foundations do not await our teen years where we go crazy, explore the opposite gender, taste alcohol, smoke this and that, get into a night party, steal the car, become rebellious. Once, my mom refused me to go to Monique’s house, I got so mad, I told them I would go, she thought I was kidding. We all went to bed; I got up, changed and left. My poor mother was so frustrated, she couldn’t even say anything at 02h00 in the morning I was waiting for my friends at the corner. She just politely asked me to come home. That night defined the 42 year generation gap between her and I. When we all sit and discuss my teen years, my sister Lerato and I laugh till we are breathless. Her and I where one mean team. Our foundations though, are clearly seen today. She is an awesome woman of God, happily married, good job, with a crazy little Greek speaking 1 year old son. I am rising on eagles wings in so many dimensions.

God being God has remained faithful in teaching us all that we know, and has allowed us to go through funny, dangerous and even worthy challenges and stages that have pruned us to be the queens we are today. Our parents need a thank you gift for the foundations of teaching us about father Abraham and talking donkeys in the Numbers 22, my when my mom taught me about that I laughed so hard it irritated her. Here I was thinking these kinds of situations are found only in cartons. Our parents need to be reminded that who we have turned out to be is really in so many ways a result of their prayers. I recall not understanding how my mom can pray effortlessly in Sepedi, I would open my eyes and just stare at the ease of expression, and here I was juggling Modimo ntate and sweet heavenly father (I should have taken Sepedi in school hey). See, these are the minute things that have taught me the ease and joy of expressing myself to a God who created even languages. We are a product of our foundations. Thank your folks for your foundations honey.

Circumcision????

A word that is often related to the cutting of young boy’s foreskin has now been given a new meaning in my life. “Lord circumcise my heart to become righteous”. Can I just say, this sentence did a new thing in my life, something I am yet to fully understand. So here is my heart, not the literal and physical organ that God plugged into my chest. My heart, the part of me that is interwoven with my will, that part that stores the most intricate matters of my entire life, that container that stores all that comes out of my mouth. The shell that protects and hides my intensions and always guides me. “Listen to your heart, it will guide you, it inspires your gut feeling.” You know that phrase. Putting it in a silver platter with diamond decorations and handing it over to God and begging him to circumcise it into righteousness, stability, assurance and maturity.

This request, I have to say, is a bold one. I am typing this looking at the after effects this type of request has done in my life. Someone please hand me a mic, an usher and a glass of water, I need to testify: “saints of my awesome Father and King, my name is Sandra, my name is also Greek for unheeded prophetess. The meaning of my name does not tell of just a spiritual gift, but of the condition, unheeded. I am not revealed yet saints, I am a work in progress and I am going through the process of circumcision, painful, real, and boldly bearable. God has cut off the unnecessary skin on my heart. He has done great things. He has weaned me off of milk products; he has certified me to now chew on the meat meal he serves me. He has circumcised my will, he has trimmed my dreams, and he is pruning my life.” I will stop there saints (hehehehe this saints word neh, so old school serious).

I see something that just sent chills down my spine in Genesis 17:14 ‘And the uncircumcised child man whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant’ so these little boys could not get any acceptance as worthy souls without being circumcised. My good Lord. I just love how the script changes so beautifully concerning the issue of circumcision in Romans 4:11 ‘And he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the righteousness of the faith which he had yet being uncircumcised: that he might be the Father of all them that believe, though they be not circumcised; that righteousness might be imputed unto them also.’

 

Did someone see righteousness pop up again. Honey, this God is on a mission, to bring you and I up from which ever level we are nestling in, into a dimension of righteousness. Righteousness that suits him as a garment of our lives as his agents on earth. You have been destined to not only ooze of his love and splendorous image, but to walk in righteousness. We are being circumcised on a daily, to mature and rise up from the concepts that we espoused as true. God is challenging our intellect, he is shifting our minds. God is not putting us through this process for the sheer joy of it, but to transform and mold us into vessels that are useful and profitable for his people. We have been commissioned to ‘Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, and take away the foreskins of your heart, ye men of Judah… in Jeremiah 4:4’. Philippians 3:3 says ‘For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, we rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.’

I rest my case; we serve an amazing God who is on another mission far beyond what we can comprehend. He does not even bother himself much with the layers of foreskins that we are clingy to and sometimes unable to let go of. He is just faithful, to work on us even when we fail to play our part. He does not disown his own character, the Bible says. I am just in awe. Sing with me and J. MOSS as I close this laptop and get ready to start my day:

I’m restored and I’ve been rewarded

I’m redeemed from guilt and shame

Never rejected, just reconnected.

Now I’m exalted, because I know his name

P.s I love you

Cain's Anger, our lesson

God was speaking to Cain. That guy who killed his only brother then. We all know Cain. Some hate his guts, many don’t understand him and even more have used him as a great example to “be my (their) brother’s keeper”. God used Cain to teach me one of the most important things I think I will ever learn. I am a passionate person; many people I know are just like me. I am passionate, unfortunately with even the wrong things at times. Anger for one. This is not an easy post to type but I am sure God is achieving more than I can comprehend right now with it. The other day I become so annoyed, in fact very angry, I went to bed fuming. I could not even sleep. I cried, wiped my tears, rolled over a million times, switched the radio on, made a long phone call to Maropeng, read a magazine and then I realized, the sun was coming up. Boy was I pissed off. Jehovah.

It was not too long after that, that I came across this scripture. Before I came across it though, I exhausted myself to a halt of madness because of my anger. After a sleepless night, I “woke” up, bathed, did not even have breakfast and walked all the way from my house to the cemetery (and my is that a distance, when I pass by it in the taxi I just laugh at that stunt). Not to visit anyone, I just realized after two hours that I was actually just walking aimlessly. I had remembered to grab my bag and laptop bag with me. I was just like some zombie who had no assignment on earth. A family of four found me, I had a blister and decided aowa Refilwe, sit down, found a shade in front of the cemetery and just sat down like I’m waiting for someone. The family gave me a lift into town.  I was so exhausted. I realized then that anger is doing nothing but ruining my life. It’s not healthy or safe either.

Cain was one angry dude (lol I know males hate this word). In Genesis 4:6-7 God firmly reminds him of something important:

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do not do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it”

One of the aftermaths of what I did was driving my worried boyfriend a little insane, I am glad my mom does not know about this.  This too was not right. God speaks of acceptance. For Cain it was the reason for his anger but for me is acceptance from him. God loves us. He cares for us. He wants us to come to him even when we are furious. This was more of him saying: ‘banna Refilwe, I love you so much, should you really be so drenched in anger that you can’t even discern that I ACCEPT you with that mountain heap of anger?” being angry is normal and purely natural. Anger in itself serves a great and profitable purpose of changing and challenging us. I am sure you have learnt of the positive attributes of anger. My anger though was NOT right. It was not supposed to have gone that far. I have done some even more crazy things in the name of my now ex-boyfriend Mr. Anger and now I am grateful of this firm, yet painfully disciplining word  of my Father through Cain’s account.

He says that sin crouches at my door because of anger. You know that annoying thing that happens when you cook something (like tripe) then in a short space of time, there are black little noisy friends (flies) lurking around and crouching in the kitchen. Yes. That’s what anger does. It attracts sin. Sin against ourselves and ultimately God.  I always say this and I will repeat it, I am being born again and saved, delivered and enticed by God on a daily basis. I am almost certain I will come across something that makes me really angry soon, please, if you meet me and I am furious, remind me of this post or buy me a bucket of strawberry Turkish cubes neh. I will though and I hope you do too, learn and go over and over what God is saying here.

I trust that you concur.

Love you.

That LOVE thing again.

This one is for the ladies. But I am certain some guy out there will benefit from it. I want I want I want I want hehehehe. Sorry gents. Bear with us.

“A man who can't think straight when he hasn't heard my voice all day and can't sleep if I aint on his side, yep, that's what I want. I don't want logic in my "love", I want passion. I want an all or nothing relationship, without secrets, power struggles or games.” –that Tyler Perry movie

I don't want to squat in it but be kept on my toes in it. I want to grow, be told I'm wrong and then accepted that I have flaws I can overcome. I want to invest my time and energy in learning who he is, why he is that way, sit through his struggles and cheer lead him to his victories. He will be my confidante but not my completion, my complement not my everything. I want to believe we can get through the toughest moments and that when I cry, it’s not going to send him running but he will man up and stay because he deems it or me worthy. 

 I want this because I feel ready to dive into the risk. I've allowed myself to dwell in the "I don’t trust anyone, my heart has been broken" seat, but now I'm willing to lay myself on the chopping  board and trust that anything is possible yet wish for the best.

 

 As cliché as this may sound, I'm on that " I dare u to let me be your one and only, promise I'm worth to hold in your arms so give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile....until the end, I know it aint easy and nobody is perfect" tip.

I want to invest faith in him. I don't want to settle for anything less than my best friend-wrestling-partner-dance-mate-gym-partner level relationship. I want to find a trampoline and do crazy splits on it with him. I want to explore foreign cuisine with him, write a rap song lol and perform it. I want to explore his fears and mine, as if they aren't fears, challenge the norm.

 I don't want to find comfort in us but in the thrill of knowing I belong as an original, and I want him to know, with both our past mistakes, being with him is all that matters. I want him to understand that anything can happen if we just take the chance.

 

 I want to motivate him, shake him up. Be free! A start of something new.

Sandra Refilwe Sello Maphoto.