Bontle. Beauty. Buhle.

The splendor  of your love amazes me sweet holy God.
My mom and I are like best friends, we have the most intense yet funny conversations. There's a 41 year age gap between us and I honestly think this is one of the biggest reasons we are so close.
We fascinate each other.
The splendor of your love amazes me sweet Jesus.
The other day my mom was telling my nephew and I about how in her day beauty was esteemed differently from now. She made the example of accolades, most men defined beauty in a woman as well dressed, with an in-depth acumen of household management. She listens to us now and notices how my nephew defines beauty in a woman as her exposure to education, her insight to the world and its systems and her ability to translate her mother's knowledge into a tangible truth for her modern household.

The splendor of your love amazes me Messiah.
This morning though, it became evident our conversation was revolving around physical beauty, we cracked up, I in particular because growing up mama would rebuke me every time I called anyone ugly. She was defending a popular soapie actress when we exclaimed that she is not the most good looking person. My mom took so much offense. What made me laugh even more was the fact that now, this lady, has it all. Aside from her role as an actress, she defines what modern day beauty is. Educated, established, skilled, wise, has financial freedom and a promising future.
The injustice towards her, of what we where saying bothered my mother.  Its her reaction that had us in stitches.

In my own corner of the world, this morning's conversation made me appreciate the splendor of God's love towards us all.
See honey, we are loved. Truth is, we will always, at one point or the other, in one sphere or another fit the specifications of a certain definition of beauty. Its not going to be always and forever, that really shouldn't be the point of our lives.
I've outgrown the notion that the world practices a lot discrimination on the darker skinned ladies or the big boned or thicker, rounder figured individuals because I've seen the progress and evolution of society as it now appreciates and adorns every type of man and woman.
The splendor of your love amazes me Creator.
Ps...Your beautiful and my mom will always be that one person to stand up for you even when others tell you you are "ugly".Hehehehe
Own your own truth regarding beauty.
This picture below was taken by one of my little brothers Tebogo Tlaka. An awesome photographer with an inexplicable.eye for BEAUTY

BBM 296DE2AC cell: 0724281216

Deal Breaker

I  haven't sat down to write anything in a long time. About two months ago I lost a good friend of mine, and because she had disappeared from my reach I only managed to find out a little over a month from her passing. That took me on an emotional whirl wind and I was unable to articulate myself. I decided to stay away from pen and paper and just sit on daddy's lap, mourn, worship, praise and converse with him. I am now in an awesome space where I am convinced Sade would be proud I pulled up my big girl panties and honored the memory of our friendship by doing what I am called me to do.
I believe that among all that God purposed when he sat down to design me, one of those was for me to be his mouth piece. I may not always post about God, the Bible and sweet Mary Mother of Jesus or my gentle brother Paul. Though some posts may seem bias or controversial, I believe and have seen how the simplest things when simply said, taught or displayed, teach us the biggest lessons. This post is the second after my break and I've titled it Deal Breaker.

I have been reading The Goddess Bootcamp by Kagiso Msimango, I don't believe or agree with certain concepts that she so beautifully ushers to our minds but that's the sheer bliss of reading and writing. Among some of the things that I picked up was the sense of owning your own truth, something my mentor Malebo Gololo and I have had an interesting conversation about. Its the boldness of owning certain concepts and staying true to them. Having oneness with yourself and having confidence with your skin, your journey and each evolutionary stage you go through. I have always believed in repetition to be the one element that brings conviction but I've recently grown to learn through some personal experiences that conviction is also influenced by exposure. We become a result of what we are exposed to. Deal breaker. That's the focal point that  convictions bring me to. What is your deal breaker?

I am a shoe lover, I own a "cute" and growing pair. I have a rule (Lord knows where I learnt this one from) that I only buy shoes after 13h00 in the afternoon because my foot has "expanded" to its real size, its thick enough to the same size it will be after 5 hours of my being in that pair. I have been CONVICTED, and that particular deal I don't break. This is a far off example but I hope you get it in this context. Men! Ladies. What's your deal breaker? What is the one thing that will cancel the deal with gentle brother abuti o mo'fine? Gents...tell me, what has been your personal truth, one you own and live by that breaks the deal with that fine sister your getting to know. We make deals so often in our lives its even become subconscious. From the Courses we choose to get involved in to the cars we drive. I use a word I made up to describe my preference. Skinnyphobia. When asked, I simply reply "I have a phobia to skiNny people" hehehehe actually its an inside joke between Dudu, my step sister, her friend Moeketsi and I. But that is not a deal breaker. An atheist for instance would just cancel the deal of my even attempting anything.   What have you bEen convicted of so much that it seals or breaks any deal you make? Is it with the kind of vehicle your driving or planning to? Is it with friendship? *Anticipating great conversations*

What do you want?

Recently, I was asked a question: Refilwe, what do you want? Of course I answered and my oh my did I do so with depth and passion. Before I could doze off that night though, the question rose up again in my Spirit. Truth be told I found myself in a very inexplicable position. "I knew what I wanted, I'd stated it earlier Lord". Trust God to deny me sleep until I'd found and aligned myself to "HIS" will concerning what "I" want. Honestly, in my have determined to fall in love and cling to this amazingly profound God, the evidence of his aura in my life tends to not only freak me out, but awestruck me to total silence. This was one of those moments. I read a lot, I love it, I am sure I've said this before. I don't limit myself, I dive in the literacy pool and indulge on all genre's (does this word link to music only or can I put it here? *giggles*). I'd just finished reading a few pages of The Taxi Philosopher by my good brother Thabang Tlaka, *side note: I am doing an in-depth review  of this piece of heaven and I have to say, if I could, I would purchase it for all the readers I know, what a thought provocative journey man!!!*....

So I looked around my side table, there's my journal, diary, playbook, phone and walla, my T.D Jakes Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible. She smiles. "Lord I will tell you what I want, I can see you want to know what I want"

Romans right through to Philemon! I got it. I know what I want guys. I do. 

I WANT TO BE LIKE PAUL.

See, being like someone can be expansively described. This time around, its simply Sandra yearning to love, serve and worship God like Paul did, in my own sequence of events and in my own portion of the universe. I didn't read through all those books, I read the first sentence of each of the books. My Lord! Look honey, this God we serve is awesome. He not only gave us countless blueprints of this Christian walk but he teaches us, without fail on His part, how to follow and reap from these guidelines. Call me obsessed but how can I not love a master mind like our omnipotent Ancient of days. 

Paul, so transparently described and introduced in each of these books he authored, displays an array of the most admirable qualities. Something God had to teach us through this post by insisting on asking the question : "what do you want" 

See, we get this so profoundly in the descriptions I am going to place below. My prayer is that there is a higher level of revelation that comes to you through these. I trust God to send a lesson, a life challenging lesson for you and I. I know this is something that is going to linger in me for a long while and now I am challenged, and may you also be, to constantly assess: What do I want! 

1. Romans» 1  FROM PAUL, a bond servant of Jesus Christ (the Messiah) called to be an apostle, (a special messenger) set apart to [preach] the Gospel (good news) of and from God, 2  Which He promised in advance [long ago] through His prophets in the sacred Scriptures...

2. Galatians» 1  PAUL, AN apostle--[special messenger appointed and commissioned and sent out] not from [any body of] men nor by or through any man, but by and through Jesus Christ (the Messiah) and God the Father, Who raised Him from among the dead...

3. 1Timothy» 1  PAUL, AN apostle (special messenger) of Christ Jesus by appointment and command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus (the Messiah), our Hope...

4. 2Timothy» 1  PAUL, AN apostle (special messenger) of Christ Jesus by the will of God, according to the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus...

5.Titus» 1  PAUL, A bond servant of God and an apostle (a special messenger) of Jesus Christ (the Messiah) to stimulate and promote the faith of God’s chosen ones and to lead them on to accurate discernment and recognition of and acquaintance with the Truth which belongs to and harmonizes with and tends to godliness, 2  [Resting] in the hope of eternal life, [life] which the ever truthful God Who cannot deceive promised before the world or the ages of time began. 3  And [now] in His own appointed time He has made manifest (made known) His Word and revealed it as His message through the preaching entrusted to me by command of God our Savior...

Family and friends, what more can a lady add to this. I....

I love you! 

Our Nature

Ok, so the Bible speaks of us human beings having the sin nature. This never sat well with me. So the other day I recalled a scenario of a toddler having sugar smeared on his mouth and upon being asked, ‘did you steal the sugar’, bluntly denies it. Now that made me just agree, it’s our nature. There can’t possibly be some conniving lesson that the kideo learnt that led him to know how to strategically or even stupidly so, lie and become deceitful and cunning. No lessons there, just pure nature. I love going around in circles with many concepts I learn about. I recently posted about Sin. I’ve been reading through it over and over again. I was then nicely surprised by God when during devotion I read Romans 7. I then not only understood but started thanking God for the rich revelation of who we are, who he is and the role of Jesus Christ in our lives. To many this may have been a revelation they have even classified as a fossil in their Christian walk, but trust me repetition of anything always breeds perfection, clarity and depth.

I really love this scripture, in one go it delivered me from many religious beliefs. I stood in awe when in some pauses I saw just how we are such a deceived generation, well very similar to previous generations but our era has its own amazingly shocking lies, many of which indoctrinate us into believing all sorts of lies. Please forgive me for the long sentences. God is exposing sin in us, he is teaching us that irrespective of our current beliefs, him being GOD involves us transforming *this word does TRANSFORM neh* each day into the truth of who he is. Ok. We have become so sin conscious and so work-for-purity orientated that we dissolve the actual mandate of Jesus. We are reversing the truths and depth of grace and love. We are disobeying the “house rules” as Creflo calls them, of the dispensation of GRACE. Sweet Lord forgive us.

We need to yearn to understand God at a whole new level, above what we read, hear and perceive. Let us look into this passage in Romans. I trust that God will enlighten your mindset to the transparency of your nature, the war inside, the grace of his sons sacrifice and how when enticed by all sorts of sticky foods, the choice remains with your thirst and love for him to wind up doing what is honorable, pure and right. We must yearn to not only BE right, but to equally DO right.  It I not easy, it’s not meant to be, should it be, we will never grow, there will be no character building in our lives. Do enjoy.

 ROMANS 7:7-25
⁷ But I can hear you say, “If the law code was as bad as all that, it’s no better than sin itself.” That’s certainly not true. The law code had a perfectly legitimate function. Without its clear guidelines for right and wrong, moral behavior would be mostly guesswork. Apart from the succinct, surgical command, “You shall not covet,” I could have dressed covetousness up to look like a virtue and ruined my life with it.
^8-12 Don’t you remember how it was? I do, perfectly well. The law code started out as an excellent piece of work. What happened, though, was that sin found a way to pervert the command into a temptation, making a piece of “forbidden fruit” out of it. The law code, instead of being used to guide me, was used to seduce me. Without all the paraphernalia of the law code, sin looked pretty dull and lifeless, and I went along without paying much attention to it. But once sin got its hands on the law code and decked itself out in all that finery, I was fooled, and fell for it. The very command that was supposed to guide me into life was cleverly used to trip me up, throwing me headlong. So sin was plenty alive, and I was stone dead. But the law code itself is God’s good and common sense, each command sane and holy counsel.
¹³ I can already hear your next question: “Does that mean I can’t even trust what is good [that is, the law]? Is good just as dangerous as evil?” No again! Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me. By hiding within God’s good commandment, sin did far more mischief than it could ever have accomplished on its own.
^14-16 I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
^17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
^21-23 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
²⁴ I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
²⁵ The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
   

Ephesians 3:14-21

Some of you may think I have an obsession of some sort with gentle brother Paul but hehehehe it’s far from that. I do though, admire the man. It takes a thick skin to permit God to use you. Yes I said permit. Many are called, for many ministries but intentionally sit on top of what God is leading them to do for all sorts of reasons. In a nutshell, we have refused God permission to use us, unlike Paul for instance. One of the many things I have learnt recently is that being called is really not some scary theory; it is God leading you to what you love and are most passionate about and using that to bless others and serve him with. Musicians, actors and actresses understood this way before us “ordinary” people. Doctors for instance, these folks do such a great job at displaying the power of God. Ok I know they are a sensitive breed to discuss in accordance to the will of God but my opinion on them is this: they are showing us the intelligence of God. Simply. Back to my point on being called, comedians are people I totally love; I hope and pray one of my children is called to display the gospel through jokes. Lord knows I love laughing, and I’ve been told my laugh is sometimes cute and at other times annoying lol. Being CALLED by God is not some complex concept, it’s simply allowing him to lead you to your passion and surrender to being used by him through that.

Paul says something that gives you and I a lot to ride on concerning our callings. Reading this passage will not only make us realize more of the will of God, but through Paul’s prayer, you and I learn more. I found myself smiling when I finally became convinced of the intensity that God wishes for me to have in loving him. God wants you and I to become aware and clear on the power our life possesses through his precious son Jesus Christ.  So God being God spoke truck loads here to us about his final plan for our callings. When God calls and equips us, he does so in order that we may become agents of who he really is. God is love. Much of what he is accomplishing in our lives involves him showing, clarifying and proving his love, first in ourselves, then to others and ultimately to become so rooted in love that in our calling, that’s all everyone can account to. How awesome will it be when one day you are described as that engineer that is so passionate about his or her job, the call of God through his or her career displays an array of love, for the job, the people and God himself.

God is amazing folks. He does not deserve to be in competition with anything in the world. Not even our callings should compete with him. He alone is God. We must be careful when we analyze what God is doing, where he is leading us and how is he calling us to serve him, that in all we discover and explore, none of it becomes a mini god. See, it maybe to be on the pulpit, or through books, music, medicine, education, psychology, arts, food and so forth. In any of those, our role is to let God be the only God.  God is the source (our ultimate provider). He is the well we draw all we need from.

Ok, here is what Paul prayed for the Ephesian crowd that inspired this post:

Ephesians 3: 14- 19

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love that surpasses knowledge-that may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. “

I think if you go through it with the AMP version you will just draw so much more than love, calling, power, faith and provision.

I am a SuperSHERO

SuperShero #4 – Sandra

“I was conceived under painful circumstances. From birth till I was 5 hectic fights between my parents were common. I became such an angry child. My mom decided to finally leave, being raised by a single parent was not easy but definitely worth it”
“I drew strength from my mother and learnt that I need to teach any man how to treat me like the Queen I am. I learnt that it’s ok to walk away from situations and people that don’t make me happy and that I have every right and full ability to free myself from any type of abuse”
” Growing up, I admired my mom so much for playing multiple roles so well but I longed so much to have a father figure, I envied everyone who had someone to call *daddy*. I still had this amazing love for my dad even though no one had any good to say about him. I started questioning God and blaming him especially when my never present father passed away, it made no sense because then I was father-less forever”
“I have spent my life questioning God, asking him why. I have to say, I am a great actress, no one knew I had issues, no one knew I was a ticking time bomb, I hid my anger and pain so well, I refused to be seen as weak and miserable.”
“At age 19 I was hijacked, beaten and gang-raped, I hated myself, I hated this country, I hated men, I lost my sanity and I resorted to isolation, I refused therapy and I neglected all my friends and family, I still did an amazing job acting all was well, I gained a lot of weight from the medical treatments and emotional eating and I hated myself”
7 months after I was gang-raped, a man who was like a father to me molested me. I was so crashed, broken, hurt and confused.”
“My biological father and my Spiritual father had both disappointed me and dismally failed to represent God in my life; I made a decision to stop crying and to stop questioning God. I hated men so much it scared me. I still did a great job at hiding it all; I would not allow anyone to see that I was in pain. It was until I finally accepted that God was my Father that I gained my sanity back.”
“I was stubborn, even after being fatherless, gang-raped and molested, I refused to accept it all, took it all and hid it somewhere in my brain and pretended all was rosy and well.
” I was in denial, secretly dying, depressed and becoming toxic with a smile on my face to the world”
“I came to a point where I could not keep it in anymore and I laid my heart down to God, I got on a painful journey where I promised myself I would express myself, cry, talk, cry, pray, talk, cry.”
“An expressive life is good, the shame is gone, I don’t hide the events of my life, I am a happy earthly-fatherless, gang-rape and molestation survivor, I am free from hating men, I’ve let go of questioning God.”
“All it took was to accept all that had occurred in my life, to stop hiding pain, leave being stubborn and secretive behind, FORGIVE my father, my dad and my rapists.”
“My painful and traumatic experiences made me realize that God is omnipotent and he uses every moment to refine, prune, mould and equip us for our destiny. I draw all my strength, peace and freedom from His promises”
Quote: I am a diamond: Planted by God in this filthy earth, refined by tribulation, deep boiled by circumstances, submerged in acidic events but in the process to shine for God’s glory on his finger, the pulpit._ Me
The prayer of my entire life: “Psalm 119: 10 I seek you with all my heart, do not let me stray from your commands. 18 open my eyes that I may see the wonderful things in your law. 27 let me understand the teaching of your precepts, and then I will meditate on your wonders. 37 turn my eyes from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. 50 my comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life. 74 may those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. 116 sustain me according to your promise, and I will live, do not let my hopes be dashed. 125 I am your servant, give me discernment. 175 let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me.

a story of Grace

The concept of grace is widely misunderstood and causes a lot of confusion. I am no expert in it as I too, especially because I am a big believer in progressive learning, am finding out a new aspect of it on a daily. Seeking God in prayer and studying of his love letters (the Bible) to us gives us a clearer view of his heart. These are two things that have had the most influence in my faith walk. I use various methods to get to know God. These include reading books, boy do I love reading. I take my time with each book; all the books I read have all sorts of pencil and highlighter markings and notes. When I feel like I have caught a revelation, I write “end here” close the book, meditate on that word, look for scriptures that correspond with that particular lesson or discovery and run with it. I also love talking. Those who know me very well know I am a big mouth, see this has helped me have meaningful and insightful conversations with people. I’m always so excited to learn a different side of a certain concept and it really gives me a run for my money every time my stand or what I espoused as truth, is challenged and provoked to flee.

 

I watch a lot of TV as I have stated before. I have a daily routine that includes 3 of my favorite pastors that I just reserve to soak up all God chooses to say to me through them. I think one of the common traits among Christians is also reading one scripture with a few Bible versions. Fortunately, I own three NIV Bibles, one from my former pastor, Pastor Conrad from Elim, one from my friend Khomotjo and one from a man who used to play the role of my father. These have restricted my “vocabulary” so I have been petitioning for an Amplified or King James. Since my birthday is just around the curve of my calendar, I smell one of these. *hint hint nudge nudge wink wink* Nonetheless, using these has come in handy because they too come with a beautiful variation of God’s word. I have found it somewhat easier to understand certain explanations using them. GRACE in particular, I enjoy learning about from the NIV.

Earlier I was reading this and I was blushing all the way to pulling my laptop out and typing this post. couldn't wait to share it with you. See, I fell upon something good. I fell upon what I strongly believe is Grace alive. Like I mentioned earlier on, it is something that I believe needs progressive and continuous revisiting because if misunderstood, causes toxic confusion.   

Here goes: J first

http://www.faithgateway.com/gods-grace-is-all-we-need/#.UnJROP8aLIU