Revisit

At the break of dawn, when silence equals to tranquility, when the breeze sends reminders of an  awakening yet to come, I found myself again.
I rediscovered I AM... Back here again, faced with the inscrutable  reality of my own existence.

It's a blend of Tenacity and Love that has safely transported me through the many realms of this exhilarating  yet mundane life. A blend so rigid and highly concentrated, that the discovery keeps becoming a force I'm reckoning with.

 

Confrontations of results from my previous discoveries  meant I'd have to account to self, just how I made it and perhaps why I didn't. Maintenance of the flow that binds up my existence to my purpose continues, only in need of more attention.

It had to be at the break of dawn, when the presence of sunlight is at its weakest but it's intention to brighten is at its strongest. Moments that ooze of hope and leave you convinced of an inner strength you'd forgotten was ever present yet rarely utilised.

 

"Hello self. We meet again! "

 

The most dominant of all that accompanies the build up to this point, is the sweet scent of the newness of I AM. The heart racing and mind throbbing exchange of confidentiality agreements and release permission slips with myself. New encounters making this scent richer. A beginning escalating the pace of this scent.

 

"Hi. We do indeed. Perfect timing...just as something new is sprouting out of the fertile soil."

At the break of dawn, when sounds equal to possibilities , when the streaks of light sends reminders of victories yet to come, I found myself again.
I rediscovered I AM... Back here again, faced with the alluring  reality of my own existence.

 

 

Revisit.

 

 

I am back. About to add more to this blog. For me. For you. For them. For others

The Richest Woman in Town

So I just came across a beautiful piece about faith in my Bible. I know someone out there is going to enjoy this one and I'm certain it will not only bless but deliver and encourage someone else. I love you all and appreciate you taking your time to visit this Blog.

Here goes:

"Rahab was a prostitute who lived in Jericho. The Bible doesn't speak of her having a husband. She had every man in town. Sarah, Abraham's wife, stayed in the tent and knitted socks. She moved with her husband wherever he went and took care of him. There was no similarity in the lifestyles of these two women; the only similarity they shared, was faith. God saw faith in Rahab that he saw in Sarah.

Just before the famous battle of Jericho, the prostitute decided to take a stand on the side of God's people. She hid their spies. Her decision was based on faith. Faith is an action. Rahab took action because she believed that God would deliver her when Jericho fell to the Israelites.

Sarah received strength to carry and deliver a child when she was old. She took action because she believed God-that he was faithful to do what he had promised (see Hebrews 11:11).

Regardless of your position or your past, God raises people up equally. No matter how many mistakes you have made, it is your faith God honors. You have blown it, but God is in the business of restoring broken lives and rebuilding homes. You may have been like Rahab, but if you can believe God, he will save your house.

When Jericho fell, he didn't save Rahab alone; he saved her entire household. All other homes in Jericho were destroyed. The only house God saved in the whole city was the house of where the prostitute lived! You would have thought he would save some some nice little old lady's cottage, with petunias growing outside the door. But God saved the prostitute's house. Was it because he wanted her place? No, it was because he wanted her faith. It is faith that moves GOD.

If you believe that your background will keep you from moving forward with God, then you don't understand that the thing he is asking from you, is faith. Those who live good, clean, separated lives may be proud of how holy they are. But God honors faith. In the Bible, he healed some folks who weren't even saved, because God honours faith.

There was something valuable in Rahab's house. Faith was there. God protected her from fire because of her faith. But he also saved her belongings. When the fire was over, Rahab was the only women left who owned any property. She was the richest woman in town. "

Now go out there and let your faith leave you unnoticed.

Relentlessly falling

Things in my life are radically changing.
Its funny yet intense. I can't stop to breath before the next whirl takes place.
I am seeing phases transpire that I haven't prepared for.
I am welcoming new methods. What I knew as truth is being challenged daily.
The revelations don't give me time for conviction but cling to my heart relentlessly.

Sooner than I expect, these revelations show up in ways so tangible I can only gasp for the little remaining crisp air surrounding me.

Lines that where invisible are neon. All I've been taught is being put to test.
Things piled up, neatly folded, strategically organized and conveniently waiting to be received or produced, slowly fade.
It doesn't move me like I'd imagined.
It merely relaxes me.
I'd planned all right.
Just...
Seems to me God has it all under control. Its a blend of anxiety and excitement.
Falling not knowing the landing spot or texture but knowing I'll live to do it again.

Selah

Challenge the way I pray Lord.
Moreover, challenge the way I live.
Challenge my thinking.
Moreover, challenge my stand.

That girl Filoe

I grew up in a beautiful home, filled with laughter and Bible verses. My single mother epitomized everything I want to be when I grow up. She built a house that was a home to my siblings and I. She taught us to pray and to refuse to be sick. Life outside of home was even more interesting. Living in an upcoming urban area meant learning to succumb to patterns and lifestyle choices that made me comfortable, accepted and well, ordinary.
School has always been the highlight of my experience. From learning a language to challenging opponents right through to even familiarizing myself to even the teacher's characteristics was and still is a beautiful mystery in my eyes. To me, the virtue of growth is discovery. Been afforded countless opportunities to find something that was there long before I was, to scrutinize and evaluate it and to end up mastering it strikes me as the master of all rewards. Especially because no one is born deserving of the opportunity of learning, but by God's positioning each child gets served their portion.
I'm of the deepest conviction that from the home setup, to the classroom and even to the maternity ward, the essence of life comes in the most pleasant and most excruciatingly bitter doses. I say this now because the first 19 years of my life prepared my for a ride on a fierce and rowdy whirlwind.
I can't fathom the agony of an everlasting wound that doesn't heal even though time is moving. Hence I'm writing this post. Shortly after I turned 19 I was brutally attacked, kidnapped and gang raped by three vicious men. My wound is healing. From the home my mother built, to the eloquent speaker my English teacher brewed to the street smart urban babe my peers groomed, I found myself in an emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual cal-de-sack.
Life as I knew it changed. Totally and drastically. Hatred tasted as real as course sea salt on a sensitive pallet.
Breaking free from the pain meant killing myself. Escaping the reality of been tortured so brutally and mercilessly simply and clearly meant to end my life. It was that way or no other way. Face it to live or end it by dying I preached to myself for the first 6 months preceding that disastrous night. When your body goes through a certain amount of pain that you feel as though life itself is rejecting you, that's the very point of surrender.
Its been 4 years and 8months and I can't help but smile through the tears. I was a victim. Then a survivor. Then a patient. Then a medical experiment. Then a case study. Then a statistic. Then a student. Now an ambassador. All because of surrender. The type of surrender that benefits you.
Oftentimes I sit and recall it all, and I realize that the grander scheme of purposeful existence, is passion. For life through pain, or numbness through death. We are presented with that choice each day. Feel the tension, pressure and strain through the liveliness of your young body OR not, by seizing to feel or respond to anything. Being raped not only meant I'd hate men, it meant I couldn't escape them. I wake up everyday and CHOOSE to love, respect, honor and pray for them.
At19, life had not "begun". But mine did that night. See, its difficult. Tough. Strenuous. Really just an uphill battle. There is not a time when life makes precise sense in our own human understanding from that type of assault. A phoenix is said to rise from ashes. I grew up in a beautiful home, neighborhood, school system, church, family......
Today I am a phoenix.
I did not rise from that furnace to be a sex, rape and abuse celeb, I rose up to pull out other phoenix' still buried in ash.
My getting raped could have symbolized an unfair God to the world but it symbolized purpose to me.
A week into my quest, I am reflecting on the goodness and character of the God my mother still teaches and testifies to me about.
A week into this birth I can already see the labor of love and the fruits of sacrifice that are going to be the pillars to this building.
A week into it and I know, I was called for this battle. The call had to be as real as the pain I'd felt. The call had to be as vivid as the reality of my ordeal. The call had to be as relevant as the current statistics stand.
From a victim to an ambassador.
I am boldly confessing to the world that part of my live's purpose and another reason for my existence is to be an advocate for healing. I have been trained to empower the discouraged, to set a courageous example with my own life and to aid the corner of the world where God has strategically placed me to groom a new generation of men and women that serve each other, protect, assist and bend backwards for each other's sanity and well-being.
Is it fun or easy? Far from that. But oh so worthy. Won't I cry out and scream? Trust me, I might. This journey is in it, to win me. Yes!
You may have noticed on my social feeds. But a week into it, I can smell fresh ash, forming into healed women and a community engaging in a battle for freedom. Take notice and stay with me.
It is called WAR against Rape n Abuse @WAR_RnA #Warsp2014

His Kiss

Song of Solomon 1:2 says Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is better than wine.
Tonight, I am celebrating, this is my 69th soon to be 70th post in the 11 months I've been blogging and off cause I will celebrate it with my favorite topic: LOVE. Here is a beautiful piece to warm your heart. From mine to yours, thank you for giving me moments of your life to share what's on my mind and heart. I love you.

Your greater than your past. Your stronger than any moment of failure. You can rise like smoke up a chimney. You were meant to spiral to the sky. All the chilling drafts of broken promises should not deny you the gift of life. Never forget that you are alive-sometimes weak, sometimes strong, but alive. You will be right some days and wrong some nights, but don't stop waking up in the morning. The morning is God's gift of another chance to pass the exam.

He has kissed you gently, tenderly but definitely. It's not the urgent kiss of a desperate lover who makes demands in the night. He has kissed you with the gentle kiss of a Father's favour whose tenderness would shield you from the trauma of the past. You have been touched, blessed, kissed. One smooch, gently delivered from heaven's lips to human pain. You have been kissed by the Father himself. No wonder Satan has failed to destroy in the night what God had prepared in the light. You have been kissed.

This is what you have to know if you are to withstand the darkness. This is what you must rehearse against the goblins of old images and past memories that would assault your dreams and turn them into nightmares. Just as sure as a Father's kiss would ease the nervous child trying to rest in a strange place, God's kiss is a sedative for you. No matter how foreign this place in your life may seem, you must  know that He prepared you for it. When he kissed her you, He shielded you, and you are His. Safe and secure, you may rest in the sanctity and safety of arms that will not fail you. A kiss goodnight is His way of sealing you till morning. And it will come, it will not tarry. The morning is yours. Spend it well. Use it sparingly.

The morning is for the hopeful not the regretful. It is expectations. It is wet dew moistening dry ground. Greater still, it is the future lying naked before you. Daybreak is stretching in the fresh hours of a new opportunity just created. It is an empty tomb and a filled manger. It is life, love and hope. Never forget about the breaking of day. It will come. Nights will pass, tears will dry and enemies will leave. But you will rise in the morning.

To daddy's kiss.

This was written by an awesome writer and speaker,Pastor TD JAKES.

Love letter to LOVE

It seemed like an impenetrable wall, the concept of who you are or what your not. Somehow between then and now, you patiently made me realize how it was the most permeable of all subjects. You are simply love.
 You don't have to make sense. You are passion leading logic. You are God by yourself. But erasing my sin with your own death, now that. That I applaud. See, I love you. Its a knowing now, not a feeling. You ooze of grace, an immeasurable supply of the most un merited of all favors.
Your so gracious, it made my doubts to shrink into knots. Your the most amazing of all lovers. So excellent in all you do. I don't always understand you. When I try, I weaken myself trying to make sense of a being so perfect. Never changing.

Unending. Magnificent. See, its true. Its so true that if I searched anywhere else but in creation first, I would have gotten more lost than darkness in the presence of light. The clouds spread out to worship you.
The textures of butterfly wings are as soft as your voice in my ear. Your breeze of peace is gentler than that of the majestic seas. Your love falls on my skin like soft summer raindrops.
That rainbow! They can't argue. When earth, moon, sun and stars don't question but worship and depend on you. I didn't think you would, a doubtful and critical person as myself, so helplessly inlove with a being I've never seen! But you did it, you won my heart, mind, spirit and soul.
 Effortlessly. By just being you. Unashamedly and relentlessly pursuing and convincing me, proving your goodness and healing my doubt into seeing the person your molding me to be. Before I was born, I sat at your feet and you narrated your life plan for my stay on earth.

 Honestly, I forgot it all after my birth. Now, I'll spend eternity, going back to our eternal beginning daddy. You are called so many fancy words, in all languages, accents and variations. To me you are LOVE.
It seemed like an impenetrable wall, the concept of who you are or what your not. Somehow between then and now, you patiently made me realize how it was the most permeable of all subjects. You are simply love.

Come See

The other day, I came across a refreshing revelation of Jesus Christ, something I've had before, but because of our God's variety of wisdom doses, with a new and different twist to it. I believe that everyone who is not an atheist or antagonist believes and seeks God, and in seeking God I've seen and discovered the most inspiring and creative ways the vast population does it. The revelation was simply that in seeking God, to focus on Jesus. I then wrote this status on my facebook timeline " Kannete many times, we get so intent on seeking God in one area that we forget the greatest miracle of all, which is the love and redemption given to us from God through His Son.
*thinking about Jesus*"

So this morning, I decided to start following this man in the Bible, abuti John and in the first chapter of his book, I couldn't stop but smile. A few things came to mind:
•Wow God, really, in seeking you, your will, your heart for me, YOU will find ME »»Boooooooooom««
•YOU will choose me,
•YOU will lead and guide me through the only person I need to focus on to gain sanity in understanding all that is YOU and all that is ME, and that's JESUS CHRIST.
•Someone out there comes from a better family, has had a better academic,financial, psychological background, lives in a better community, has had better opportunities, has made better decisions, hey daddy, they are better, but YOU see ME, as your BEST, even in the state and phase I am in.
•I don't have to struggle to prove its YOU, I don't even have to prove it to anyone that its YOU Lord who has found and dealt with me to mold, teach and lead me to where I am and proceeding to.
•Its ok, to look at the simple truths of your Son Jesus Christ, as He saves and tags me along with Him from my most simple state "sitting under a tree" and to get excited over how in simplicity, He hand picked me to accomplish a great deal and deed through my following for your kingdom.
•The focus is Jesus.
I have that big smile on my face right now hehehehe, but moving right along now.

GRACE! Just that.

This took me back to a month ago when a friend of mine and I where talking and she mentioned to me that she was told of an ordeal that occurred a while back. I happened to have been there and her version was twisted in more areas than expected, she took offense at how funny I thought what she said was. I explained to her that maybe we need to change how we view things. That maybe we need to start paying more attention to seeing things for ourselves than believing what we are hearing.

That's another one of the sweet gestures that the Holy Spirit is luring us to in the verses below. Nathaneal could have asked any other person around to affirm Jesus Christ but Philip simplifies (that word again) the rest of their walk with the Messiah as " come and see for yourself Nathaneal, spend the rest of your life observing, learning from, marveling at, worshiping, profiting from and believing by seeing for yourself, who this Jesus is. IRRESPECTIVE of where He comes from.

It sure didn't take long for Jesus to simply remind Nathaneal that He had chosen him a while before their introduction while he was minding his own business enjoying the shade.
So if nothing good ever came out of Nazareth, trust that the King of kings, the Savior and Messiah, the Lion and Lamb, the atonement, the Way, the Truth and the Life, the advocate and author of salvation, the bread of life, our chief cornerstone, Emmanuel, the end of the Law, the Example, the governer and healer, the I AM did.
Selah!

John 1:45  Philip sought and found Nathanael and told him, We have found (discovered) the One Moses in the Law and also the Prophets wrote about--Jesus from Nazareth, the [legal] son of Joseph! 46  Nathanael answered him, [Nazareth!] Can anything good come out of Nazareth? Philip replied, Come and see! 47  Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him and said concerning him, See! Here is an Israelite indeed [a true descendant of Jacob], in whom there is no guile nor deceit nor falsehood nor duplicity! 48  Nathanael said to Jesus, How do You know me? [How is it that You know these things about me?] Jesus answered him, Before [ever] Philip called you, when you were still under the fig tree, I saw you. 49  Nathanael answered, Teacher, You are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel! 50  Jesus replied, Because I said to you, I saw you beneath the fig tree, do you believe in and rely on and trust in Me? You shall see greater things than this! 51  Then He said to him, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you all, you shall see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man!

But what more can a sister say!
Smiles again
Sidenote: there's so much more that one can learn from this passage alone, I pray for refreshing revelations for you as you go back and read it.

You

:)You were created in the mind of God before you were conceived in a womb. You were God's idea. And God he made you for a specific time and place on earth. You aren't an accident, a mistake, an error, an incident or a mishap.
You were fashioned and made by Elohim-the Lord God Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth. You were meticulously made by the Master. Your mother and father did not create you. God created you. Your mother and father set up a circumstance in which God had the option to make you then or to wait and make you at another moment in time. You are His creation. And God doesn't make mistakes.

God didn't allow you to be aborted or miscarried. He didn't allow you to be stillborn or to die of crib death. He didn't allow any number of childhood accidents or diseases to take you out either. From the instant He had the idea of you, He intended that you should live and participate in His plan and accomplish His purposes.

He never took His hand off your life. :) God brought you through all experiences alive, and He is the one who kept you from loosing your sanity. He is the one who brought you to an understanding of Jesus Christ as your Savior and raised you up so that you can still fulfill His purposes and reflect His glory in spite of every effort of the enemy to destroy you, diminish you, defame you or discourage you.

The fact is, if you hadn't gone through everything you have gone through, you wouldn't be the person you are today. And God knows that! He has been in the process of creating you, fashioning you, molding you, designing you, refining you, and perfecting you since the moment before the foundation of the earth when He first thought of you! He gave you your own personality, your own abilities, your own spiritual gifts, and your own identity in Christ so that you, and you alone, might praise Him the way you praise, give what you give, minister like you minister, and love as you love. Oh yes! When God thought of you, He had a good idea!

Life or Living

 Hello honey. :)
*sigh of relief*
I am back. Its no secret that I've had a very busy and testing past few months. Tonight as I was reading daddy's love letters, I found this beautiful piece; so well written, a word in season, encouraging and challenging. It made a truck load of sense and moved me from the state I've been in in the past few days. Read on:

"Many people are so tired of trying to "get there" that they don't even want to get there anymore. They are zombies trapped in a state of existence that is neither here nor there. This lukewarm attitude pulls them into the abyss of mediocrity. They get a job, marry, buy a car, accumulate stock and have children. But without passion, they are simply going through the motions.
Instead of rising each morning with a song of joy in their hearts, they hum a melody in monotone. They go through their day, mumbling and complaining. These mummies may be mommies or daddies, they may even be preachers or teachers. But they are corpses who aren't quite dead. Their near-comatose condition exempts them from pain but denies them pleasure. They may be immune to failure, but they are susceptible to all kinds of negative experiences.

What good is life without living? Taste it- live it- even at the risk of occasional failure and adversity. If you are going to stand at the plate, take a swing at the ball! "What if I miss?" You say. Well I say "what if you miss out before you've even taken a swing?" Wake up and play! Your not dead. Many things in you may have died but you are not dead.
Perhaps you have given up. No one knows you've quit, but inside, you have thrown the towel. You wanted to make a difference, but when you ran into some obstacle, you decided to adjust your expectations to your limitations.
Jesus suffered the loss of His disciples, His earthly ministry, His friends, and even His clothes. They cast lots at His bleeding feet for His seamless robe (john 19:23-24), but they could not strip away His passion. Even while He was dying, He continued to minister His message. He went through hell to reach the joy set before Him, but when He had finished, He got up with the keys to death and hell!!!! His prize was a Church purchased by the blood He shed. But what is ultimately important is that He accomplished it with His passion.

God has too much for you to do to waste any more time! Get up, breathe deeply of this moment. There will never be another moment in your life just like this one. He can't spare you any tears, fears, or trauma; each passion has its cost. In fact, it is the cost that validates the enormity of the passion. It is what you endure that expresses the depth of you desire."  
I love you.

On the floor

Leaving me passed out on the floor, with no strength, no sense of ability, void, curt, simply silent.
When all that is around me does not make a bit of sense. When all I've espoused as truth looks like an interwoven ball of confusion.
Leaving me unable to comprehend my position.
Experience counts for nothing on this floor.
My life flashing right in front of these very dry eyes. When all that's been, all that's transpired has no effect and the silence numbs the beat of my heart.
Powder texture. Powder weight.
The floor is ice cold yet my skin has grown so accustomed to it, I cant feel it.
Not knowing if I will wake up.
There is so much darkness here.

Where did that come from? Its not a feeling, its not an illusion.
You just reminded me of a simple yet profound truth.
You love me.
Those where your exact words.
"Sandra I love you."
I am going to rise from this state.
You love me.
I have risen. You love me. You have me. You made me. You planned me. I am. I am yours.
You said it. Your proving it.

It all doesn't matter anymore.
You love me!
Psalm 16

Simply Put

Simply Put"
So last night my sister (my best friend) Sarona sent me this song. I've heard it before but the revelation behind it was so fresh, crisp and rejuvenating. I hope as you read through these lyrics you will be prompted to download and listen to it. It's sung by Fred Hammond. 



I don't really need 
To tell someone their future
I don't really have to see the things
That can't be seen
I don't need another
Hyped up church encounter
Or another clever new Years theme
I'm not looking for another goose bump sermon
Or a word that leaves me passed out on the floor
My basic needs are really very simple
To know You love me
You like me
And I am Yours
I am Yours


My learning could go on throughout the ages
But I just need the plain and simple of what's real
I could memorize and quote a million pages
But I'd rather just express the way I feel


I've tried so hard to know 
The deepest revelation
So I could stand and tell the nations
What it means
But I found the greatest gift
Wrapped in Your salvation
It's really much more simple than it seems
So I relinquish all my witty observations
Leave my so called sacred knowledge at the door
When You died You answered every single question
You said You love me
You like me
And I am Yours
I am Yours


My learning could go on throughout the ages
But I just need the plain and simple of what's real
I could memorize and quote a million pages
But I'd rather just express the way I feel
All those complicated things have no appeal
So I'd rather keep it simple, keep it real
Yes I'm done with all the things that make it
Difficult to know


You love me
You like me [x3]
And I am Yours

Can I just say.....

See I've been learning a profound discipline in God, he is abundant. I don't believe in lack and from being called high maintenance to snobbish, it still doesn't move me. For one simple reason, I've got the grip of humility. When God knows your heart and knows your intentions and then sees your willingness to serve and honor him, he plays his part, he does so and he does it oh so abundantly.


I have serious issues with people who are mediocre and are comfortable with not living abundantly. I wrote in a recent post that there's a difference between BOASTING and BRAGGING refiloesandra.blogspot.com bragging rights and I will add here: when God blesses us we should not succumb to some sort of status quo and hide our blessings.

Ok so what the Pastors drive big cars huh?!? Look honey, when we sugar coat these things we are made to look as though we are apologetic for our fruits as though we owe the world a progress report of all the efforts we made while sowing. We have become humble with God and then inadvertently (without our own intent) yep, we don't intend to but we are made to feel» miniature with human beings  because we lack the zeal to celebrate being blessed.

I am of a deep conviction that God is a God of order and even in our most blessed state, he continues to revive us and prepares our hearts to continue to receive from him. "
Yes, it is perfectly fine for Christians to become wealthy, and there is nothing in the Bible that forbids Christians from gaining large amounts of money. The problem is that the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil (1 Tim. 6:10). Jesus said that you cannot serve both money and God at the same time: “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (wealth),” (Matt. 6:24).  Jesus is not saying that it is sinful to be rich. Jesus is telling us that the problem is when Christians start putting their faith, hope, and security in their money (and it becomes their master) rather than God. At this point, they become idolaters and fail to serve the true God.

Also, if a Christian is blessed by God to have large amounts of wealth, then he or she should use it for furthering the gospel. Therefore, wealthy Christians, just like poor Christians, should tithe to the church to aid it in expanding the gospel of Christ. Consider the parable that Jesus gave concerning the use of money in Luke 19:11-27. In it the person who was punished was the one who did not use the money given to him by his master in a manner profitable to the master, and he was condemned. So, when someone is given something by God, he is to use it for God’s glory. This includes money.". Matt Slick once said.

I am writing this post after I'd had a short yet interesting conversation with a colleague who is down right against Christians, particularly leaders living a comfortable and abundant life. I only understand when we group and single out those who are fraudulent and are caught and PROVEN guilty, either than that, I will not belittle God by having a conviction that his abundant blessings are wrong.

Do people even understand that we are all indirectly blessed by God?! When you receive any gift, from a slab of chocolate to a car, the idea was inspired and funded by God himself. Should we now become deputy Jesus', assistant Angels and advocates for the lavish lives that Christians have? We receive gifts, from family, friends and even strangers and besides gifts, we serve a God who orchestrates that we never become desperate.

This needs to be told: we WILL live good, comfortable, enough and more times more than enough lifestyles, not because we worked blood, sweat and tears for it but because God BLESSES the WORK of our HANDS. I think I will explode the next time I meet an apologetic Christian or any other person who feels they have enough authority to disapprove of abundant living.

I said it.
I love you.
Merry nuwe jaar.

Bye 2013 Hello 2014

I've been fighting this urge to sit down and write about the year 2013. The truth of this specific matter is, I have mixed emotions about 2013, it has turned me into a chameleon in a smarties box.
Its the 31st, I am on a taxi from Polokwane to Pretoria. I just want to see myself at my Spiritual home Bethesda Christian Centre.
This year, as I sit here and reflect, has done to me what no other year prior has. I am grateful to God for his blessings through this year.
I see a lot of status updates on all social networks with people stating the blessings and challenges of this past year and I stand in awe of God's abilities, not just in my life, but in your life and in their lives.
I started 2013 at an awesome camp, a 7 day challenge, where I put my body to the test and gave first priority to my spirit being. I came out of it a transformed lady, I came out strong and ready. It was one experience that brought out the worst in me and showcased God's presence and involvement in my family, social life, finances and health.
It took a toll on me physically as I took an additional few weeks to recuperate and get back in the swing of normal living.
Shortly after that camp, I and the other Lady Leaders, played the role of hostesses at a prestigious I DO Gala Awards Ceremony

, honestly, I needed that one. It was Valentines month and the theme was off course successful marriages and love overall. You guys know I love loving love right. This event not only gave me the chance to meet a few celebrities that I'd thought I'd never get a chance to rub shoulders with, but it sharpened my preferences concerning love and what I want.
School shortly commenced and I was faced with Accounting. So numbers and I have a love hate relationship as the second semester I was faced with Financial Management.
I am passionate about marketing, events, ministry and literature, numbers to me are just my test of character. My minimal acumen of calculations and the systems expectation test every fruit of the spirit in me. *giggles*
My academic life has been good this year, it has me smiling from ear to ear.
As usual, our omnipotent God who never gives up on us kept on urging me to improve and to listen attentively to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
I found myself in a place of surrender when certain ideas I'd shoved at the back of my head kept creeping up and bombarding my thought life. I had to give in and put them on paper, pray for direction and discernment.
So I did, I birthed my babies on paper and started working hard on them. God remained faithful and helped me shut my mouth. I am a speaker, not only by eloquence but by character. I learnt the importance of secrecy and its one thing I will carry to the grave. I was talking to a great and close friend of mine, telling her how since the first day I realized the trauma I went through caused me depression, I began to isolate myself. The most profound out of all the lessons I learnt when I isolated myself for nearly a year, was the difference between being alone and being lonely. This year defined that. I spent a lot of time alone and my sister would wonder if I was not lonely. I think she realized that I didn't suffer from loneliness when I'd present to her what I produced while alone.
Being the youngest minister in the Holy Spirit Class at church also came with its challenges this year, it came with lessons and results that have peeled off skin layers over my perceptions that really needed to come off.
Last year on my birthday ( SIDENOTE: oh but this year I had such an epic birthday celebration with some of my cousins and old friends

), I got asked a very life changing question that would have put me on a roller coaster ride had I not responded to it in the manner I did. I spent this year asking God to refine me to be able to have a different answer to it should I be asked again. I also made it clear to God what the intentions of my heart where concerning the matter. This year has come and gone and I can boldly testify of my readiness and zeal should I be faced with that question again.
2013 is leaving and it took with it, a big piece of my heart. Sade. She was not just my friend, but someone who effortlessly modeled Jesus Christ, a white lady with rosey cheeks and the perfect aura to drive me insane, make me laugh till my tear glands poured out and then simultaneously teach me to love me more and serve God radically.
I found myself in such a terrible space after loosing Sade. I didn't realize the magnitude of pain I'd felt till those piercing panic attacks made their way to me. I am so grateful for my family at church, what an absolute breath of fresh air they are.
Sadly, when I go through these type of challenges, I become unable to articulate myself. I mourned in praise because I knew she had played her part so well.
Soon my baby was born from paper to being tangible. I still marvel at the grace of God when I look at this empire in the making.
I became pressed for truth when something I worked blood, sweat and tears for, for years at that, started proving to me that its season in my life was over.
I had to let go. Another tough decision. But I did it. I did it and benefited immeasurably from letting go of it. 2013 taught me a lesson of not compromising my feelings. It taught me the difference between sacrifice and compromise. I was in a relationship in 2013 that became a mirror to my face. It "showed" me, ME. I trace back the rail of my train of thought while in that relationship and I realize that now, I know Refilwe more than I knew her before.
Yes I bought more shoes *hides*

Lady Leader year end high tea

I went to a few music concerts, a few theatre shows and I danced. My oh my do I love dancing. I ate chocolate and got pimples because of it then I had to stop.
But my sweet "teeth" as my niece calls it would not let me go. I still went around with a box of turkish delights in my hand bag.
2013 taught me about health. A certain health professional visited our church and helped me reshape my view and behavior towards my body, what and why I serve it and the benefits thereafter. I am now a healthier, fitter and much more energetic me simply because of what I put in my mouth.

I met a Lion at the end of 2013. I can't even explain in words what meeting this Lion has done for me. I just smile. It is the end of the year and this is how someone who will introduce me to speak will sound like when they read my profile: Sandra Refilwe Sello is a former co-founder of Glitz Youth Organization, the current Public Relations Officer of Capital City Junior Business Chamber (CCBC Jnr), a Marketing Intern at the 3RD Orange African Nations Championships 2014

. She is a Diploma in Business and Entrepreneurship graduate at College Campus Pretoria and plans to pursue a Bachelor of Technology (BTech) in Business Administration. She was the President of Student in Free Enterprise College Campus Pretoria (SIFE CC). Sandra is the Chairperson of Risen 4 Purpose and a lady leader with Soul Ova. She forms part of the official members of Peace of Educational Minds (P.O.E.M). Her passion lies in Marketing, events management and youth based community endeavours.
 All of this is God. The theme for my year, was ONENESS with me, Discovering God; finding Me.
Did I fail? Yes
Did I loose? Yes
Did I fall? Yes
Did I make terrible mistakes and decisions? Yes
Did I learn from all of that? Yes.
The highlight of my year: meeting my biological father's entire family, getting to sit, laugh and dance with them made me cry in awe of God. Suddenly, truths I'd longed for came out, who I am made sense and the strongest bonds where reestablished. My mother remained the patient queen of my life, who would sacrifice and stay on her knees for me. My grandfather

still thinks I'm a little girl with a loud mouth and the most beautiful eyes.
Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014
May God continue being God in your 2014, just as He promised, may he prune and build you and I up.
I love you and I am wishing you a dance-filled 2014 to Micheal Buble music and lots of chocolate moments. Cheers!

I am awestruck I guess

So recently I've just been going through a very sensitive phase in my life, its more reflective than emotional, though I'm an emotional wreck (in the most positive manner), its all about looking back.
 I am looking within. I'm searching beyond what I've been taught. I'm sieving through all that's transpired.
I am digging deep into all that I espoused as truth. I am questioning everything I hear. I am challenging all that I am seeing.

I am investigating every reason available.
Its passed the stage of my inquiries being linked to my purpose, but the larger scale of the Sovereignty of this being whose hand I've never held yet I feel it closely gripping mine.
I used to think I needed more of him, till it dawned on me like an unexpected ray of sunlight after a vile storm, that I contain much more of him than my entire imagination can fathom.
When you carry the DNA of someone, you tend to even chew like them, my gestures are exactly like his. So are yours.

See in this phase honey, I've been waking up and sleeping in tears. Many a times, tears inexplicable.
Humble tears. Reassuring tears. Praise tears. Worship tears. Progressive tears. Confirmation tears.
I did warn you that I am an emotional wreck.
I loose my vocabulary. I loose track of my train of thought.
I loose sense of all sanity.
My tear glands loose all their rigidity.
Its a flow from my heart.
See I can't comprehend just how....
Just how vast is this God is.
I am in awe!

Blow me a trumpet

While reading Galatians 5 this morning, the next pink page had the following piece in my T.D Jakes Woman thou art Loosed New King James Bible
I dedicate this piece to awesome women I have in my life.
I love you Queen.

This is your day, and this is your Father's world. He created it just for you. You are an heir to the universe. Your only boundaries are your own perceptions of potential.

Lebogang Tisane

You u can reach father than your finders and leap higher than your doubt. If you lift you head and raise your hands, the clouds will run away. You are kissed. Didn't you know it.? Haven't you realized? That's why you are alive to show it. So show up an show off and show out. It is morning!

Malebo Gololo
Never lose that child like belief in the impossible. The fantasies of the faithful dispel the myths of the frightened. Somebody blow me a trumpet! The races are about to begin, and the daughters of God are all dressed up. The have stripped themselves of the cares of this world.

Mpone Moeketsi
They have washed away the abuse of their childhood. They have demanded their inheritance, nursed their won babies, strengthened themselves, and prepared their feet to run.

Tebogo Makua
They are sisters and brothers of the Cross, survivors of the secrets. The have lain awake trembling and even cried through the night. Some have screamed from bruised lips, assaulted bodies, broken hearts, betrayed trust! But what of the night ? That's right, what of it? Haven't you heard? It is morning. Sound the alarm.

Sarona. Maja
Loosed? You'd better believe it. The are loosed from the tragedy of a long and dismal might. They are the sons and daughters of Abraham. They are people with a promise. Precious promises are waiting for loosed people who have made themselves ready to take the kingdom by force.

Thembi Nziane
 No more forbidden fruit for them; they are taking a bite out of life. No more restrictions or inhibitions. Many have been held back by the fear of failure and rejection. Tell the critics the Father says, "Let My people go!" Only a foolish person would fight a man for his daughter when it is God the Father he will have to fight.

Thandi Mafa


The trumpet has sounded. You are loosed!
A piece by T.D Jakes

More Reflections

 Allow Me to reflect.

I don't like watching news, those who know me know this very well. Somehow catching news bulletins always manages to depress me. I get instant-two-minute-noodle-like depression. Its frustrating really what we get to see on the news. Its necessary for all that's being reported to be exposed, vital too but it leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. REFLECT
 It is Christmas, I had an awesome day with close relatives, then my mom and I came home to bow down to the itis. I could hear rain showers distantly while passed out on the couch.
Woke up to the most therapeutic scent of the crisp after rain effect. My mom and I had one of our lovely and funny conversations and I am typing this watching her beautiful sleeping face. REFLECT
I am having a conversation with an awesome lady Mpone Moeketsi, someone who recently stepped into my life and in a short space of time has just caused me to have a paradigm shift (A major change in how some process is accomplished) on so many aspects of who I am. We are having another in-depth conversation about a decision I am about to make perhaps "again" that will change the whole flow of what I'd thought my life would be. Its an exciting journey I see myself getting into and even amidst the euphoria, I'm a ball of interwoven nerves. REFLECT

About the news, let me put it this way, in my strength(s), I've come to accept that I have a not so "strong" heart toward's people's suffering, I am so vulnerable when it comes to seeing reports of how in my comfortable bed, remote in hand, full bed side table and my mom close by, someone else is in the cold. REFLECT
I am officially convinced and convicted of God's infinite love for me, his interest and attention to detail. I have come to a chilling realization recently of how he is so skillfully    orchestrating life to conspire in my favor ONLY for HIS purpose. REFLECT
Its Christmas and my mind has been drenched in a pool of emotions, I've observed the concept of death being debated and defeating the human mind but winning over the believing and submissive hearts. This year has been so awesome, but many who had planned this day with family and friends, are no more. REFLECT
Queues: “O mohau wa Molimo
ke kwetsa e kaakang!
E ka ba o fe molomo
o ka o bolelang?
‘Na, esale o mphihlela,
Ke maketse feela!”
REFLECT
The blind man who has never seen anything but what his mind conceives, but what God feeds his imagination, yet still worships God, makes me wonder what view he constantly has of this God. REFLECT
 If I don't stop here, I won't sleep. I long to get into each reflection and expand my view, God willing that will be soon. Merry Christmas friends and family.

Bontle. Beauty. Buhle.

The splendor  of your love amazes me sweet holy God.
My mom and I are like best friends, we have the most intense yet funny conversations. There's a 41 year age gap between us and I honestly think this is one of the biggest reasons we are so close.
We fascinate each other.
The splendor of your love amazes me sweet Jesus.
The other day my mom was telling my nephew and I about how in her day beauty was esteemed differently from now. She made the example of accolades, most men defined beauty in a woman as well dressed, with an in-depth acumen of household management. She listens to us now and notices how my nephew defines beauty in a woman as her exposure to education, her insight to the world and its systems and her ability to translate her mother's knowledge into a tangible truth for her modern household.

The splendor of your love amazes me Messiah.
This morning though, it became evident our conversation was revolving around physical beauty, we cracked up, I in particular because growing up mama would rebuke me every time I called anyone ugly. She was defending a popular soapie actress when we exclaimed that she is not the most good looking person. My mom took so much offense. What made me laugh even more was the fact that now, this lady, has it all. Aside from her role as an actress, she defines what modern day beauty is. Educated, established, skilled, wise, has financial freedom and a promising future.
The injustice towards her, of what we where saying bothered my mother.  Its her reaction that had us in stitches.

In my own corner of the world, this morning's conversation made me appreciate the splendor of God's love towards us all.
See honey, we are loved. Truth is, we will always, at one point or the other, in one sphere or another fit the specifications of a certain definition of beauty. Its not going to be always and forever, that really shouldn't be the point of our lives.
I've outgrown the notion that the world practices a lot discrimination on the darker skinned ladies or the big boned or thicker, rounder figured individuals because I've seen the progress and evolution of society as it now appreciates and adorns every type of man and woman.
The splendor of your love amazes me Creator.
Ps...Your beautiful and my mom will always be that one person to stand up for you even when others tell you you are "ugly".Hehehehe
Own your own truth regarding beauty.
This picture below was taken by one of my little brothers Tebogo Tlaka. An awesome photographer with an inexplicable.eye for BEAUTY

BBM 296DE2AC cell: 0724281216

Deal Breaker

I  haven't sat down to write anything in a long time. About two months ago I lost a good friend of mine, and because she had disappeared from my reach I only managed to find out a little over a month from her passing. That took me on an emotional whirl wind and I was unable to articulate myself. I decided to stay away from pen and paper and just sit on daddy's lap, mourn, worship, praise and converse with him. I am now in an awesome space where I am convinced Sade would be proud I pulled up my big girl panties and honored the memory of our friendship by doing what I am called me to do.
I believe that among all that God purposed when he sat down to design me, one of those was for me to be his mouth piece. I may not always post about God, the Bible and sweet Mary Mother of Jesus or my gentle brother Paul. Though some posts may seem bias or controversial, I believe and have seen how the simplest things when simply said, taught or displayed, teach us the biggest lessons. This post is the second after my break and I've titled it Deal Breaker.

I have been reading The Goddess Bootcamp by Kagiso Msimango, I don't believe or agree with certain concepts that she so beautifully ushers to our minds but that's the sheer bliss of reading and writing. Among some of the things that I picked up was the sense of owning your own truth, something my mentor Malebo Gololo and I have had an interesting conversation about. Its the boldness of owning certain concepts and staying true to them. Having oneness with yourself and having confidence with your skin, your journey and each evolutionary stage you go through. I have always believed in repetition to be the one element that brings conviction but I've recently grown to learn through some personal experiences that conviction is also influenced by exposure. We become a result of what we are exposed to. Deal breaker. That's the focal point that  convictions bring me to. What is your deal breaker?

I am a shoe lover, I own a "cute" and growing pair. I have a rule (Lord knows where I learnt this one from) that I only buy shoes after 13h00 in the afternoon because my foot has "expanded" to its real size, its thick enough to the same size it will be after 5 hours of my being in that pair. I have been CONVICTED, and that particular deal I don't break. This is a far off example but I hope you get it in this context. Men! Ladies. What's your deal breaker? What is the one thing that will cancel the deal with gentle brother abuti o mo'fine? Gents...tell me, what has been your personal truth, one you own and live by that breaks the deal with that fine sister your getting to know. We make deals so often in our lives its even become subconscious. From the Courses we choose to get involved in to the cars we drive. I use a word I made up to describe my preference. Skinnyphobia. When asked, I simply reply "I have a phobia to skiNny people" hehehehe actually its an inside joke between Dudu, my step sister, her friend Moeketsi and I. But that is not a deal breaker. An atheist for instance would just cancel the deal of my even attempting anything.   What have you bEen convicted of so much that it seals or breaks any deal you make? Is it with the kind of vehicle your driving or planning to? Is it with friendship? *Anticipating great conversations*