Life or Living

 Hello honey. :)
*sigh of relief*
I am back. Its no secret that I've had a very busy and testing past few months. Tonight as I was reading daddy's love letters, I found this beautiful piece; so well written, a word in season, encouraging and challenging. It made a truck load of sense and moved me from the state I've been in in the past few days. Read on:

"Many people are so tired of trying to "get there" that they don't even want to get there anymore. They are zombies trapped in a state of existence that is neither here nor there. This lukewarm attitude pulls them into the abyss of mediocrity. They get a job, marry, buy a car, accumulate stock and have children. But without passion, they are simply going through the motions.
Instead of rising each morning with a song of joy in their hearts, they hum a melody in monotone. They go through their day, mumbling and complaining. These mummies may be mommies or daddies, they may even be preachers or teachers. But they are corpses who aren't quite dead. Their near-comatose condition exempts them from pain but denies them pleasure. They may be immune to failure, but they are susceptible to all kinds of negative experiences.

What good is life without living? Taste it- live it- even at the risk of occasional failure and adversity. If you are going to stand at the plate, take a swing at the ball! "What if I miss?" You say. Well I say "what if you miss out before you've even taken a swing?" Wake up and play! Your not dead. Many things in you may have died but you are not dead.
Perhaps you have given up. No one knows you've quit, but inside, you have thrown the towel. You wanted to make a difference, but when you ran into some obstacle, you decided to adjust your expectations to your limitations.
Jesus suffered the loss of His disciples, His earthly ministry, His friends, and even His clothes. They cast lots at His bleeding feet for His seamless robe (john 19:23-24), but they could not strip away His passion. Even while He was dying, He continued to minister His message. He went through hell to reach the joy set before Him, but when He had finished, He got up with the keys to death and hell!!!! His prize was a Church purchased by the blood He shed. But what is ultimately important is that He accomplished it with His passion.

God has too much for you to do to waste any more time! Get up, breathe deeply of this moment. There will never be another moment in your life just like this one. He can't spare you any tears, fears, or trauma; each passion has its cost. In fact, it is the cost that validates the enormity of the passion. It is what you endure that expresses the depth of you desire."  
I love you.

On the floor

Leaving me passed out on the floor, with no strength, no sense of ability, void, curt, simply silent.
When all that is around me does not make a bit of sense. When all I've espoused as truth looks like an interwoven ball of confusion.
Leaving me unable to comprehend my position.
Experience counts for nothing on this floor.
My life flashing right in front of these very dry eyes. When all that's been, all that's transpired has no effect and the silence numbs the beat of my heart.
Powder texture. Powder weight.
The floor is ice cold yet my skin has grown so accustomed to it, I cant feel it.
Not knowing if I will wake up.
There is so much darkness here.

Where did that come from? Its not a feeling, its not an illusion.
You just reminded me of a simple yet profound truth.
You love me.
Those where your exact words.
"Sandra I love you."
I am going to rise from this state.
You love me.
I have risen. You love me. You have me. You made me. You planned me. I am. I am yours.
You said it. Your proving it.

It all doesn't matter anymore.
You love me!
Psalm 16

Simply Put

Simply Put"
So last night my sister (my best friend) Sarona sent me this song. I've heard it before but the revelation behind it was so fresh, crisp and rejuvenating. I hope as you read through these lyrics you will be prompted to download and listen to it. It's sung by Fred Hammond. 



I don't really need 
To tell someone their future
I don't really have to see the things
That can't be seen
I don't need another
Hyped up church encounter
Or another clever new Years theme
I'm not looking for another goose bump sermon
Or a word that leaves me passed out on the floor
My basic needs are really very simple
To know You love me
You like me
And I am Yours
I am Yours


My learning could go on throughout the ages
But I just need the plain and simple of what's real
I could memorize and quote a million pages
But I'd rather just express the way I feel


I've tried so hard to know 
The deepest revelation
So I could stand and tell the nations
What it means
But I found the greatest gift
Wrapped in Your salvation
It's really much more simple than it seems
So I relinquish all my witty observations
Leave my so called sacred knowledge at the door
When You died You answered every single question
You said You love me
You like me
And I am Yours
I am Yours


My learning could go on throughout the ages
But I just need the plain and simple of what's real
I could memorize and quote a million pages
But I'd rather just express the way I feel
All those complicated things have no appeal
So I'd rather keep it simple, keep it real
Yes I'm done with all the things that make it
Difficult to know


You love me
You like me [x3]
And I am Yours

Can I just say.....

See I've been learning a profound discipline in God, he is abundant. I don't believe in lack and from being called high maintenance to snobbish, it still doesn't move me. For one simple reason, I've got the grip of humility. When God knows your heart and knows your intentions and then sees your willingness to serve and honor him, he plays his part, he does so and he does it oh so abundantly.


I have serious issues with people who are mediocre and are comfortable with not living abundantly. I wrote in a recent post that there's a difference between BOASTING and BRAGGING refiloesandra.blogspot.com bragging rights and I will add here: when God blesses us we should not succumb to some sort of status quo and hide our blessings.

Ok so what the Pastors drive big cars huh?!? Look honey, when we sugar coat these things we are made to look as though we are apologetic for our fruits as though we owe the world a progress report of all the efforts we made while sowing. We have become humble with God and then inadvertently (without our own intent) yep, we don't intend to but we are made to feel» miniature with human beings  because we lack the zeal to celebrate being blessed.

I am of a deep conviction that God is a God of order and even in our most blessed state, he continues to revive us and prepares our hearts to continue to receive from him. "
Yes, it is perfectly fine for Christians to become wealthy, and there is nothing in the Bible that forbids Christians from gaining large amounts of money. The problem is that the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil (1 Tim. 6:10). Jesus said that you cannot serve both money and God at the same time: “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (wealth),” (Matt. 6:24).  Jesus is not saying that it is sinful to be rich. Jesus is telling us that the problem is when Christians start putting their faith, hope, and security in their money (and it becomes their master) rather than God. At this point, they become idolaters and fail to serve the true God.

Also, if a Christian is blessed by God to have large amounts of wealth, then he or she should use it for furthering the gospel. Therefore, wealthy Christians, just like poor Christians, should tithe to the church to aid it in expanding the gospel of Christ. Consider the parable that Jesus gave concerning the use of money in Luke 19:11-27. In it the person who was punished was the one who did not use the money given to him by his master in a manner profitable to the master, and he was condemned. So, when someone is given something by God, he is to use it for God’s glory. This includes money.". Matt Slick once said.

I am writing this post after I'd had a short yet interesting conversation with a colleague who is down right against Christians, particularly leaders living a comfortable and abundant life. I only understand when we group and single out those who are fraudulent and are caught and PROVEN guilty, either than that, I will not belittle God by having a conviction that his abundant blessings are wrong.

Do people even understand that we are all indirectly blessed by God?! When you receive any gift, from a slab of chocolate to a car, the idea was inspired and funded by God himself. Should we now become deputy Jesus', assistant Angels and advocates for the lavish lives that Christians have? We receive gifts, from family, friends and even strangers and besides gifts, we serve a God who orchestrates that we never become desperate.

This needs to be told: we WILL live good, comfortable, enough and more times more than enough lifestyles, not because we worked blood, sweat and tears for it but because God BLESSES the WORK of our HANDS. I think I will explode the next time I meet an apologetic Christian or any other person who feels they have enough authority to disapprove of abundant living.

I said it.
I love you.
Merry nuwe jaar.

Bye 2013 Hello 2014

I've been fighting this urge to sit down and write about the year 2013. The truth of this specific matter is, I have mixed emotions about 2013, it has turned me into a chameleon in a smarties box.
Its the 31st, I am on a taxi from Polokwane to Pretoria. I just want to see myself at my Spiritual home Bethesda Christian Centre.
This year, as I sit here and reflect, has done to me what no other year prior has. I am grateful to God for his blessings through this year.
I see a lot of status updates on all social networks with people stating the blessings and challenges of this past year and I stand in awe of God's abilities, not just in my life, but in your life and in their lives.
I started 2013 at an awesome camp, a 7 day challenge, where I put my body to the test and gave first priority to my spirit being. I came out of it a transformed lady, I came out strong and ready. It was one experience that brought out the worst in me and showcased God's presence and involvement in my family, social life, finances and health.
It took a toll on me physically as I took an additional few weeks to recuperate and get back in the swing of normal living.
Shortly after that camp, I and the other Lady Leaders, played the role of hostesses at a prestigious I DO Gala Awards Ceremony

, honestly, I needed that one. It was Valentines month and the theme was off course successful marriages and love overall. You guys know I love loving love right. This event not only gave me the chance to meet a few celebrities that I'd thought I'd never get a chance to rub shoulders with, but it sharpened my preferences concerning love and what I want.
School shortly commenced and I was faced with Accounting. So numbers and I have a love hate relationship as the second semester I was faced with Financial Management.
I am passionate about marketing, events, ministry and literature, numbers to me are just my test of character. My minimal acumen of calculations and the systems expectation test every fruit of the spirit in me. *giggles*
My academic life has been good this year, it has me smiling from ear to ear.
As usual, our omnipotent God who never gives up on us kept on urging me to improve and to listen attentively to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
I found myself in a place of surrender when certain ideas I'd shoved at the back of my head kept creeping up and bombarding my thought life. I had to give in and put them on paper, pray for direction and discernment.
So I did, I birthed my babies on paper and started working hard on them. God remained faithful and helped me shut my mouth. I am a speaker, not only by eloquence but by character. I learnt the importance of secrecy and its one thing I will carry to the grave. I was talking to a great and close friend of mine, telling her how since the first day I realized the trauma I went through caused me depression, I began to isolate myself. The most profound out of all the lessons I learnt when I isolated myself for nearly a year, was the difference between being alone and being lonely. This year defined that. I spent a lot of time alone and my sister would wonder if I was not lonely. I think she realized that I didn't suffer from loneliness when I'd present to her what I produced while alone.
Being the youngest minister in the Holy Spirit Class at church also came with its challenges this year, it came with lessons and results that have peeled off skin layers over my perceptions that really needed to come off.
Last year on my birthday ( SIDENOTE: oh but this year I had such an epic birthday celebration with some of my cousins and old friends

), I got asked a very life changing question that would have put me on a roller coaster ride had I not responded to it in the manner I did. I spent this year asking God to refine me to be able to have a different answer to it should I be asked again. I also made it clear to God what the intentions of my heart where concerning the matter. This year has come and gone and I can boldly testify of my readiness and zeal should I be faced with that question again.
2013 is leaving and it took with it, a big piece of my heart. Sade. She was not just my friend, but someone who effortlessly modeled Jesus Christ, a white lady with rosey cheeks and the perfect aura to drive me insane, make me laugh till my tear glands poured out and then simultaneously teach me to love me more and serve God radically.
I found myself in such a terrible space after loosing Sade. I didn't realize the magnitude of pain I'd felt till those piercing panic attacks made their way to me. I am so grateful for my family at church, what an absolute breath of fresh air they are.
Sadly, when I go through these type of challenges, I become unable to articulate myself. I mourned in praise because I knew she had played her part so well.
Soon my baby was born from paper to being tangible. I still marvel at the grace of God when I look at this empire in the making.
I became pressed for truth when something I worked blood, sweat and tears for, for years at that, started proving to me that its season in my life was over.
I had to let go. Another tough decision. But I did it. I did it and benefited immeasurably from letting go of it. 2013 taught me a lesson of not compromising my feelings. It taught me the difference between sacrifice and compromise. I was in a relationship in 2013 that became a mirror to my face. It "showed" me, ME. I trace back the rail of my train of thought while in that relationship and I realize that now, I know Refilwe more than I knew her before.
Yes I bought more shoes *hides*

Lady Leader year end high tea

I went to a few music concerts, a few theatre shows and I danced. My oh my do I love dancing. I ate chocolate and got pimples because of it then I had to stop.
But my sweet "teeth" as my niece calls it would not let me go. I still went around with a box of turkish delights in my hand bag.
2013 taught me about health. A certain health professional visited our church and helped me reshape my view and behavior towards my body, what and why I serve it and the benefits thereafter. I am now a healthier, fitter and much more energetic me simply because of what I put in my mouth.

I met a Lion at the end of 2013. I can't even explain in words what meeting this Lion has done for me. I just smile. It is the end of the year and this is how someone who will introduce me to speak will sound like when they read my profile: Sandra Refilwe Sello is a former co-founder of Glitz Youth Organization, the current Public Relations Officer of Capital City Junior Business Chamber (CCBC Jnr), a Marketing Intern at the 3RD Orange African Nations Championships 2014

. She is a Diploma in Business and Entrepreneurship graduate at College Campus Pretoria and plans to pursue a Bachelor of Technology (BTech) in Business Administration. She was the President of Student in Free Enterprise College Campus Pretoria (SIFE CC). Sandra is the Chairperson of Risen 4 Purpose and a lady leader with Soul Ova. She forms part of the official members of Peace of Educational Minds (P.O.E.M). Her passion lies in Marketing, events management and youth based community endeavours.
 All of this is God. The theme for my year, was ONENESS with me, Discovering God; finding Me.
Did I fail? Yes
Did I loose? Yes
Did I fall? Yes
Did I make terrible mistakes and decisions? Yes
Did I learn from all of that? Yes.
The highlight of my year: meeting my biological father's entire family, getting to sit, laugh and dance with them made me cry in awe of God. Suddenly, truths I'd longed for came out, who I am made sense and the strongest bonds where reestablished. My mother remained the patient queen of my life, who would sacrifice and stay on her knees for me. My grandfather

still thinks I'm a little girl with a loud mouth and the most beautiful eyes.
Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014
May God continue being God in your 2014, just as He promised, may he prune and build you and I up.
I love you and I am wishing you a dance-filled 2014 to Micheal Buble music and lots of chocolate moments. Cheers!

I am awestruck I guess

So recently I've just been going through a very sensitive phase in my life, its more reflective than emotional, though I'm an emotional wreck (in the most positive manner), its all about looking back.
 I am looking within. I'm searching beyond what I've been taught. I'm sieving through all that's transpired.
I am digging deep into all that I espoused as truth. I am questioning everything I hear. I am challenging all that I am seeing.

I am investigating every reason available.
Its passed the stage of my inquiries being linked to my purpose, but the larger scale of the Sovereignty of this being whose hand I've never held yet I feel it closely gripping mine.
I used to think I needed more of him, till it dawned on me like an unexpected ray of sunlight after a vile storm, that I contain much more of him than my entire imagination can fathom.
When you carry the DNA of someone, you tend to even chew like them, my gestures are exactly like his. So are yours.

See in this phase honey, I've been waking up and sleeping in tears. Many a times, tears inexplicable.
Humble tears. Reassuring tears. Praise tears. Worship tears. Progressive tears. Confirmation tears.
I did warn you that I am an emotional wreck.
I loose my vocabulary. I loose track of my train of thought.
I loose sense of all sanity.
My tear glands loose all their rigidity.
Its a flow from my heart.
See I can't comprehend just how....
Just how vast is this God is.
I am in awe!

Blow me a trumpet

While reading Galatians 5 this morning, the next pink page had the following piece in my T.D Jakes Woman thou art Loosed New King James Bible
I dedicate this piece to awesome women I have in my life.
I love you Queen.

This is your day, and this is your Father's world. He created it just for you. You are an heir to the universe. Your only boundaries are your own perceptions of potential.

Lebogang Tisane

You u can reach father than your finders and leap higher than your doubt. If you lift you head and raise your hands, the clouds will run away. You are kissed. Didn't you know it.? Haven't you realized? That's why you are alive to show it. So show up an show off and show out. It is morning!

Malebo Gololo
Never lose that child like belief in the impossible. The fantasies of the faithful dispel the myths of the frightened. Somebody blow me a trumpet! The races are about to begin, and the daughters of God are all dressed up. The have stripped themselves of the cares of this world.

Mpone Moeketsi
They have washed away the abuse of their childhood. They have demanded their inheritance, nursed their won babies, strengthened themselves, and prepared their feet to run.

Tebogo Makua
They are sisters and brothers of the Cross, survivors of the secrets. The have lain awake trembling and even cried through the night. Some have screamed from bruised lips, assaulted bodies, broken hearts, betrayed trust! But what of the night ? That's right, what of it? Haven't you heard? It is morning. Sound the alarm.

Sarona. Maja
Loosed? You'd better believe it. The are loosed from the tragedy of a long and dismal might. They are the sons and daughters of Abraham. They are people with a promise. Precious promises are waiting for loosed people who have made themselves ready to take the kingdom by force.

Thembi Nziane
 No more forbidden fruit for them; they are taking a bite out of life. No more restrictions or inhibitions. Many have been held back by the fear of failure and rejection. Tell the critics the Father says, "Let My people go!" Only a foolish person would fight a man for his daughter when it is God the Father he will have to fight.

Thandi Mafa


The trumpet has sounded. You are loosed!
A piece by T.D Jakes