Bye 2013 Hello 2014

I've been fighting this urge to sit down and write about the year 2013. The truth of this specific matter is, I have mixed emotions about 2013, it has turned me into a chameleon in a smarties box.
Its the 31st, I am on a taxi from Polokwane to Pretoria. I just want to see myself at my Spiritual home Bethesda Christian Centre.
This year, as I sit here and reflect, has done to me what no other year prior has. I am grateful to God for his blessings through this year.
I see a lot of status updates on all social networks with people stating the blessings and challenges of this past year and I stand in awe of God's abilities, not just in my life, but in your life and in their lives.
I started 2013 at an awesome camp, a 7 day challenge, where I put my body to the test and gave first priority to my spirit being. I came out of it a transformed lady, I came out strong and ready. It was one experience that brought out the worst in me and showcased God's presence and involvement in my family, social life, finances and health.
It took a toll on me physically as I took an additional few weeks to recuperate and get back in the swing of normal living.
Shortly after that camp, I and the other Lady Leaders, played the role of hostesses at a prestigious I DO Gala Awards Ceremony

, honestly, I needed that one. It was Valentines month and the theme was off course successful marriages and love overall. You guys know I love loving love right. This event not only gave me the chance to meet a few celebrities that I'd thought I'd never get a chance to rub shoulders with, but it sharpened my preferences concerning love and what I want.
School shortly commenced and I was faced with Accounting. So numbers and I have a love hate relationship as the second semester I was faced with Financial Management.
I am passionate about marketing, events, ministry and literature, numbers to me are just my test of character. My minimal acumen of calculations and the systems expectation test every fruit of the spirit in me. *giggles*
My academic life has been good this year, it has me smiling from ear to ear.
As usual, our omnipotent God who never gives up on us kept on urging me to improve and to listen attentively to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
I found myself in a place of surrender when certain ideas I'd shoved at the back of my head kept creeping up and bombarding my thought life. I had to give in and put them on paper, pray for direction and discernment.
So I did, I birthed my babies on paper and started working hard on them. God remained faithful and helped me shut my mouth. I am a speaker, not only by eloquence but by character. I learnt the importance of secrecy and its one thing I will carry to the grave. I was talking to a great and close friend of mine, telling her how since the first day I realized the trauma I went through caused me depression, I began to isolate myself. The most profound out of all the lessons I learnt when I isolated myself for nearly a year, was the difference between being alone and being lonely. This year defined that. I spent a lot of time alone and my sister would wonder if I was not lonely. I think she realized that I didn't suffer from loneliness when I'd present to her what I produced while alone.
Being the youngest minister in the Holy Spirit Class at church also came with its challenges this year, it came with lessons and results that have peeled off skin layers over my perceptions that really needed to come off.
Last year on my birthday ( SIDENOTE: oh but this year I had such an epic birthday celebration with some of my cousins and old friends

), I got asked a very life changing question that would have put me on a roller coaster ride had I not responded to it in the manner I did. I spent this year asking God to refine me to be able to have a different answer to it should I be asked again. I also made it clear to God what the intentions of my heart where concerning the matter. This year has come and gone and I can boldly testify of my readiness and zeal should I be faced with that question again.
2013 is leaving and it took with it, a big piece of my heart. Sade. She was not just my friend, but someone who effortlessly modeled Jesus Christ, a white lady with rosey cheeks and the perfect aura to drive me insane, make me laugh till my tear glands poured out and then simultaneously teach me to love me more and serve God radically.
I found myself in such a terrible space after loosing Sade. I didn't realize the magnitude of pain I'd felt till those piercing panic attacks made their way to me. I am so grateful for my family at church, what an absolute breath of fresh air they are.
Sadly, when I go through these type of challenges, I become unable to articulate myself. I mourned in praise because I knew she had played her part so well.
Soon my baby was born from paper to being tangible. I still marvel at the grace of God when I look at this empire in the making.
I became pressed for truth when something I worked blood, sweat and tears for, for years at that, started proving to me that its season in my life was over.
I had to let go. Another tough decision. But I did it. I did it and benefited immeasurably from letting go of it. 2013 taught me a lesson of not compromising my feelings. It taught me the difference between sacrifice and compromise. I was in a relationship in 2013 that became a mirror to my face. It "showed" me, ME. I trace back the rail of my train of thought while in that relationship and I realize that now, I know Refilwe more than I knew her before.
Yes I bought more shoes *hides*

Lady Leader year end high tea

I went to a few music concerts, a few theatre shows and I danced. My oh my do I love dancing. I ate chocolate and got pimples because of it then I had to stop.
But my sweet "teeth" as my niece calls it would not let me go. I still went around with a box of turkish delights in my hand bag.
2013 taught me about health. A certain health professional visited our church and helped me reshape my view and behavior towards my body, what and why I serve it and the benefits thereafter. I am now a healthier, fitter and much more energetic me simply because of what I put in my mouth.

I met a Lion at the end of 2013. I can't even explain in words what meeting this Lion has done for me. I just smile. It is the end of the year and this is how someone who will introduce me to speak will sound like when they read my profile: Sandra Refilwe Sello is a former co-founder of Glitz Youth Organization, the current Public Relations Officer of Capital City Junior Business Chamber (CCBC Jnr), a Marketing Intern at the 3RD Orange African Nations Championships 2014

. She is a Diploma in Business and Entrepreneurship graduate at College Campus Pretoria and plans to pursue a Bachelor of Technology (BTech) in Business Administration. She was the President of Student in Free Enterprise College Campus Pretoria (SIFE CC). Sandra is the Chairperson of Risen 4 Purpose and a lady leader with Soul Ova. She forms part of the official members of Peace of Educational Minds (P.O.E.M). Her passion lies in Marketing, events management and youth based community endeavours.
 All of this is God. The theme for my year, was ONENESS with me, Discovering God; finding Me.
Did I fail? Yes
Did I loose? Yes
Did I fall? Yes
Did I make terrible mistakes and decisions? Yes
Did I learn from all of that? Yes.
The highlight of my year: meeting my biological father's entire family, getting to sit, laugh and dance with them made me cry in awe of God. Suddenly, truths I'd longed for came out, who I am made sense and the strongest bonds where reestablished. My mother remained the patient queen of my life, who would sacrifice and stay on her knees for me. My grandfather

still thinks I'm a little girl with a loud mouth and the most beautiful eyes.
Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014
May God continue being God in your 2014, just as He promised, may he prune and build you and I up.
I love you and I am wishing you a dance-filled 2014 to Micheal Buble music and lots of chocolate moments. Cheers!

I am awestruck I guess

So recently I've just been going through a very sensitive phase in my life, its more reflective than emotional, though I'm an emotional wreck (in the most positive manner), its all about looking back.
 I am looking within. I'm searching beyond what I've been taught. I'm sieving through all that's transpired.
I am digging deep into all that I espoused as truth. I am questioning everything I hear. I am challenging all that I am seeing.

I am investigating every reason available.
Its passed the stage of my inquiries being linked to my purpose, but the larger scale of the Sovereignty of this being whose hand I've never held yet I feel it closely gripping mine.
I used to think I needed more of him, till it dawned on me like an unexpected ray of sunlight after a vile storm, that I contain much more of him than my entire imagination can fathom.
When you carry the DNA of someone, you tend to even chew like them, my gestures are exactly like his. So are yours.

See in this phase honey, I've been waking up and sleeping in tears. Many a times, tears inexplicable.
Humble tears. Reassuring tears. Praise tears. Worship tears. Progressive tears. Confirmation tears.
I did warn you that I am an emotional wreck.
I loose my vocabulary. I loose track of my train of thought.
I loose sense of all sanity.
My tear glands loose all their rigidity.
Its a flow from my heart.
See I can't comprehend just how....
Just how vast is this God is.
I am in awe!

Blow me a trumpet

While reading Galatians 5 this morning, the next pink page had the following piece in my T.D Jakes Woman thou art Loosed New King James Bible
I dedicate this piece to awesome women I have in my life.
I love you Queen.

This is your day, and this is your Father's world. He created it just for you. You are an heir to the universe. Your only boundaries are your own perceptions of potential.

Lebogang Tisane

You u can reach father than your finders and leap higher than your doubt. If you lift you head and raise your hands, the clouds will run away. You are kissed. Didn't you know it.? Haven't you realized? That's why you are alive to show it. So show up an show off and show out. It is morning!

Malebo Gololo
Never lose that child like belief in the impossible. The fantasies of the faithful dispel the myths of the frightened. Somebody blow me a trumpet! The races are about to begin, and the daughters of God are all dressed up. The have stripped themselves of the cares of this world.

Mpone Moeketsi
They have washed away the abuse of their childhood. They have demanded their inheritance, nursed their won babies, strengthened themselves, and prepared their feet to run.

Tebogo Makua
They are sisters and brothers of the Cross, survivors of the secrets. The have lain awake trembling and even cried through the night. Some have screamed from bruised lips, assaulted bodies, broken hearts, betrayed trust! But what of the night ? That's right, what of it? Haven't you heard? It is morning. Sound the alarm.

Sarona. Maja
Loosed? You'd better believe it. The are loosed from the tragedy of a long and dismal might. They are the sons and daughters of Abraham. They are people with a promise. Precious promises are waiting for loosed people who have made themselves ready to take the kingdom by force.

Thembi Nziane
 No more forbidden fruit for them; they are taking a bite out of life. No more restrictions or inhibitions. Many have been held back by the fear of failure and rejection. Tell the critics the Father says, "Let My people go!" Only a foolish person would fight a man for his daughter when it is God the Father he will have to fight.

Thandi Mafa


The trumpet has sounded. You are loosed!
A piece by T.D Jakes

More Reflections

 Allow Me to reflect.

I don't like watching news, those who know me know this very well. Somehow catching news bulletins always manages to depress me. I get instant-two-minute-noodle-like depression. Its frustrating really what we get to see on the news. Its necessary for all that's being reported to be exposed, vital too but it leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. REFLECT
 It is Christmas, I had an awesome day with close relatives, then my mom and I came home to bow down to the itis. I could hear rain showers distantly while passed out on the couch.
Woke up to the most therapeutic scent of the crisp after rain effect. My mom and I had one of our lovely and funny conversations and I am typing this watching her beautiful sleeping face. REFLECT
I am having a conversation with an awesome lady Mpone Moeketsi, someone who recently stepped into my life and in a short space of time has just caused me to have a paradigm shift (A major change in how some process is accomplished) on so many aspects of who I am. We are having another in-depth conversation about a decision I am about to make perhaps "again" that will change the whole flow of what I'd thought my life would be. Its an exciting journey I see myself getting into and even amidst the euphoria, I'm a ball of interwoven nerves. REFLECT

About the news, let me put it this way, in my strength(s), I've come to accept that I have a not so "strong" heart toward's people's suffering, I am so vulnerable when it comes to seeing reports of how in my comfortable bed, remote in hand, full bed side table and my mom close by, someone else is in the cold. REFLECT
I am officially convinced and convicted of God's infinite love for me, his interest and attention to detail. I have come to a chilling realization recently of how he is so skillfully    orchestrating life to conspire in my favor ONLY for HIS purpose. REFLECT
Its Christmas and my mind has been drenched in a pool of emotions, I've observed the concept of death being debated and defeating the human mind but winning over the believing and submissive hearts. This year has been so awesome, but many who had planned this day with family and friends, are no more. REFLECT
Queues: “O mohau wa Molimo
ke kwetsa e kaakang!
E ka ba o fe molomo
o ka o bolelang?
‘Na, esale o mphihlela,
Ke maketse feela!”
REFLECT
The blind man who has never seen anything but what his mind conceives, but what God feeds his imagination, yet still worships God, makes me wonder what view he constantly has of this God. REFLECT
 If I don't stop here, I won't sleep. I long to get into each reflection and expand my view, God willing that will be soon. Merry Christmas friends and family.

Bontle. Beauty. Buhle.

The splendor  of your love amazes me sweet holy God.
My mom and I are like best friends, we have the most intense yet funny conversations. There's a 41 year age gap between us and I honestly think this is one of the biggest reasons we are so close.
We fascinate each other.
The splendor of your love amazes me sweet Jesus.
The other day my mom was telling my nephew and I about how in her day beauty was esteemed differently from now. She made the example of accolades, most men defined beauty in a woman as well dressed, with an in-depth acumen of household management. She listens to us now and notices how my nephew defines beauty in a woman as her exposure to education, her insight to the world and its systems and her ability to translate her mother's knowledge into a tangible truth for her modern household.

The splendor of your love amazes me Messiah.
This morning though, it became evident our conversation was revolving around physical beauty, we cracked up, I in particular because growing up mama would rebuke me every time I called anyone ugly. She was defending a popular soapie actress when we exclaimed that she is not the most good looking person. My mom took so much offense. What made me laugh even more was the fact that now, this lady, has it all. Aside from her role as an actress, she defines what modern day beauty is. Educated, established, skilled, wise, has financial freedom and a promising future.
The injustice towards her, of what we where saying bothered my mother.  Its her reaction that had us in stitches.

In my own corner of the world, this morning's conversation made me appreciate the splendor of God's love towards us all.
See honey, we are loved. Truth is, we will always, at one point or the other, in one sphere or another fit the specifications of a certain definition of beauty. Its not going to be always and forever, that really shouldn't be the point of our lives.
I've outgrown the notion that the world practices a lot discrimination on the darker skinned ladies or the big boned or thicker, rounder figured individuals because I've seen the progress and evolution of society as it now appreciates and adorns every type of man and woman.
The splendor of your love amazes me Creator.
Ps...Your beautiful and my mom will always be that one person to stand up for you even when others tell you you are "ugly".Hehehehe
Own your own truth regarding beauty.
This picture below was taken by one of my little brothers Tebogo Tlaka. An awesome photographer with an inexplicable.eye for BEAUTY

BBM 296DE2AC cell: 0724281216

Deal Breaker

I  haven't sat down to write anything in a long time. About two months ago I lost a good friend of mine, and because she had disappeared from my reach I only managed to find out a little over a month from her passing. That took me on an emotional whirl wind and I was unable to articulate myself. I decided to stay away from pen and paper and just sit on daddy's lap, mourn, worship, praise and converse with him. I am now in an awesome space where I am convinced Sade would be proud I pulled up my big girl panties and honored the memory of our friendship by doing what I am called me to do.
I believe that among all that God purposed when he sat down to design me, one of those was for me to be his mouth piece. I may not always post about God, the Bible and sweet Mary Mother of Jesus or my gentle brother Paul. Though some posts may seem bias or controversial, I believe and have seen how the simplest things when simply said, taught or displayed, teach us the biggest lessons. This post is the second after my break and I've titled it Deal Breaker.

I have been reading The Goddess Bootcamp by Kagiso Msimango, I don't believe or agree with certain concepts that she so beautifully ushers to our minds but that's the sheer bliss of reading and writing. Among some of the things that I picked up was the sense of owning your own truth, something my mentor Malebo Gololo and I have had an interesting conversation about. Its the boldness of owning certain concepts and staying true to them. Having oneness with yourself and having confidence with your skin, your journey and each evolutionary stage you go through. I have always believed in repetition to be the one element that brings conviction but I've recently grown to learn through some personal experiences that conviction is also influenced by exposure. We become a result of what we are exposed to. Deal breaker. That's the focal point that  convictions bring me to. What is your deal breaker?

I am a shoe lover, I own a "cute" and growing pair. I have a rule (Lord knows where I learnt this one from) that I only buy shoes after 13h00 in the afternoon because my foot has "expanded" to its real size, its thick enough to the same size it will be after 5 hours of my being in that pair. I have been CONVICTED, and that particular deal I don't break. This is a far off example but I hope you get it in this context. Men! Ladies. What's your deal breaker? What is the one thing that will cancel the deal with gentle brother abuti o mo'fine? Gents...tell me, what has been your personal truth, one you own and live by that breaks the deal with that fine sister your getting to know. We make deals so often in our lives its even become subconscious. From the Courses we choose to get involved in to the cars we drive. I use a word I made up to describe my preference. Skinnyphobia. When asked, I simply reply "I have a phobia to skiNny people" hehehehe actually its an inside joke between Dudu, my step sister, her friend Moeketsi and I. But that is not a deal breaker. An atheist for instance would just cancel the deal of my even attempting anything.   What have you bEen convicted of so much that it seals or breaks any deal you make? Is it with the kind of vehicle your driving or planning to? Is it with friendship? *Anticipating great conversations*

What do you want?

Recently, I was asked a question: Refilwe, what do you want? Of course I answered and my oh my did I do so with depth and passion. Before I could doze off that night though, the question rose up again in my Spirit. Truth be told I found myself in a very inexplicable position. "I knew what I wanted, I'd stated it earlier Lord". Trust God to deny me sleep until I'd found and aligned myself to "HIS" will concerning what "I" want. Honestly, in my have determined to fall in love and cling to this amazingly profound God, the evidence of his aura in my life tends to not only freak me out, but awestruck me to total silence. This was one of those moments. I read a lot, I love it, I am sure I've said this before. I don't limit myself, I dive in the literacy pool and indulge on all genre's (does this word link to music only or can I put it here? *giggles*). I'd just finished reading a few pages of The Taxi Philosopher by my good brother Thabang Tlaka, *side note: I am doing an in-depth review  of this piece of heaven and I have to say, if I could, I would purchase it for all the readers I know, what a thought provocative journey man!!!*....

So I looked around my side table, there's my journal, diary, playbook, phone and walla, my T.D Jakes Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible. She smiles. "Lord I will tell you what I want, I can see you want to know what I want"

Romans right through to Philemon! I got it. I know what I want guys. I do. 

I WANT TO BE LIKE PAUL.

See, being like someone can be expansively described. This time around, its simply Sandra yearning to love, serve and worship God like Paul did, in my own sequence of events and in my own portion of the universe. I didn't read through all those books, I read the first sentence of each of the books. My Lord! Look honey, this God we serve is awesome. He not only gave us countless blueprints of this Christian walk but he teaches us, without fail on His part, how to follow and reap from these guidelines. Call me obsessed but how can I not love a master mind like our omnipotent Ancient of days. 

Paul, so transparently described and introduced in each of these books he authored, displays an array of the most admirable qualities. Something God had to teach us through this post by insisting on asking the question : "what do you want" 

See, we get this so profoundly in the descriptions I am going to place below. My prayer is that there is a higher level of revelation that comes to you through these. I trust God to send a lesson, a life challenging lesson for you and I. I know this is something that is going to linger in me for a long while and now I am challenged, and may you also be, to constantly assess: What do I want! 

1. Romans» 1  FROM PAUL, a bond servant of Jesus Christ (the Messiah) called to be an apostle, (a special messenger) set apart to [preach] the Gospel (good news) of and from God, 2  Which He promised in advance [long ago] through His prophets in the sacred Scriptures...

2. Galatians» 1  PAUL, AN apostle--[special messenger appointed and commissioned and sent out] not from [any body of] men nor by or through any man, but by and through Jesus Christ (the Messiah) and God the Father, Who raised Him from among the dead...

3. 1Timothy» 1  PAUL, AN apostle (special messenger) of Christ Jesus by appointment and command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus (the Messiah), our Hope...

4. 2Timothy» 1  PAUL, AN apostle (special messenger) of Christ Jesus by the will of God, according to the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus...

5.Titus» 1  PAUL, A bond servant of God and an apostle (a special messenger) of Jesus Christ (the Messiah) to stimulate and promote the faith of God’s chosen ones and to lead them on to accurate discernment and recognition of and acquaintance with the Truth which belongs to and harmonizes with and tends to godliness, 2  [Resting] in the hope of eternal life, [life] which the ever truthful God Who cannot deceive promised before the world or the ages of time began. 3  And [now] in His own appointed time He has made manifest (made known) His Word and revealed it as His message through the preaching entrusted to me by command of God our Savior...

Family and friends, what more can a lady add to this. I....

I love you!